1 00:00:00,403 --> 00:00:04,274 (The Billionaire Theme) 2 00:00:28,999 --> 00:00:30,000 - [Secretary] Your client is here, sir. 3 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,301 - Oh, please, send him in. 4 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,176 - Are you Julius Sagamore, the worthless nephew 5 00:00:40,176 --> 00:00:42,879 of my late Solicitor Pontifex Sagamore? 6 00:00:43,947 --> 00:00:45,949 - Well, I don't advertise myself as worthless, 7 00:00:45,949 --> 00:00:48,551 but yes, Pontifex was my uncle 8 00:00:48,551 --> 00:00:49,786 and I've returned from Philadelphia 9 00:00:49,786 --> 00:00:51,287 to inherit as much of his business 10 00:00:51,287 --> 00:00:53,923 as I can persuade his clients to trust me with. 11 00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,992 - I've heard him speak of you 12 00:00:55,992 --> 00:00:58,795 and as you had been packed off to Philadelphia, 13 00:00:58,795 --> 00:01:01,698 I naturally concluded that you must be worthless. 14 00:01:02,766 --> 00:01:06,503 But it doesn't matter, my business is very simple. 15 00:01:06,503 --> 00:01:07,937 I wish to make my will, 16 00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:11,074 leaving everything I possess to my spouse. 17 00:01:11,074 --> 00:01:14,110 You can hardly go wrong with that, I suppose. 18 00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:16,212 - I shall do the best I can. 19 00:01:16,212 --> 00:01:17,180 Please, have a seat. 20 00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:18,181 - No, I feel restless. 21 00:01:18,181 --> 00:01:20,617 I shall sit down when I feel tired. 22 00:01:20,617 --> 00:01:23,620 - As you wish, but in order to draw up a will, 23 00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:26,089 I will first need to know who your spouse is. 24 00:01:26,089 --> 00:01:29,192 - My spouse is a fool and a loser. 25 00:01:29,192 --> 00:01:31,461 You will state that fact in the will! 26 00:01:31,461 --> 00:01:33,163 You will add that it was his conduct 27 00:01:33,163 --> 00:01:35,665 that drove me to commit suicide. 28 00:01:35,665 --> 00:01:37,600 - His conduct? 29 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:38,768 I'm not sure I follow. 30 00:01:38,768 --> 00:01:40,403 - What don't you follow? 31 00:01:40,403 --> 00:01:43,106 That my spouse is a man, and that this is the year 2017 32 00:01:43,106 --> 00:01:45,675 in the United States of America? 33 00:01:45,675 --> 00:01:49,079 Are you as homophobic and ignorant as you are worthless? 34 00:01:49,079 --> 00:01:51,748 Love is supposed to win in this country, 35 00:01:51,748 --> 00:01:54,484 even if it didn't within the context of my marriage. 36 00:01:54,484 --> 00:01:56,419 - I'm afraid you have it all wrong. 37 00:01:56,419 --> 00:01:58,188 I haven't the slightest trouble understanding 38 00:01:58,188 --> 00:02:00,056 that love wins in the good old USA. 39 00:02:00,056 --> 00:02:02,892 My own brother has officiated many same sex weddings. 40 00:02:02,892 --> 00:02:05,795 What I don't follow is how your spouse's conduct 41 00:02:05,795 --> 00:02:08,298 has driven you to commit suicide when, 42 00:02:08,298 --> 00:02:10,533 unless I'm addressing a ghost, 43 00:02:10,533 --> 00:02:12,736 you haven't committed suicide. 44 00:02:12,736 --> 00:02:15,171 - I shall have, when the will is signed. 45 00:02:16,106 --> 00:02:18,174 - Of course, quite so. 46 00:02:18,174 --> 00:02:19,776 How stupid of me. 47 00:02:19,776 --> 00:02:20,610 His name? 48 00:02:20,610 --> 00:02:22,645 - His name is Alexander Fitzfassenden. 49 00:02:23,613 --> 00:02:24,914 - What? 50 00:02:24,914 --> 00:02:26,983 The amateur tennis champion and boxer? 51 00:02:26,983 --> 00:02:28,451 - Do you know him? 52 00:02:28,451 --> 00:02:31,588 - We swim together at the same club every morning. 53 00:02:31,588 --> 00:02:34,557 - The acquaintance does you little credit. 54 00:02:34,557 --> 00:02:36,726 - I had no idea you were the other Mr. Fitzfassenden. 55 00:02:36,726 --> 00:02:39,629 - Do not refer to me by that abominable name of his. 56 00:02:39,629 --> 00:02:43,466 Put me in your books as Victor Ognisanti di Parerga. 57 00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:47,837 - Well, I am very honored indeed. 58 00:02:47,837 --> 00:02:49,139 Pray, be seated. 59 00:02:49,139 --> 00:02:51,908 - Sit down yourself and don't fuss. 60 00:02:51,908 --> 00:02:53,977 - Certainly, if that's what you prefer. 61 00:02:55,979 --> 00:02:59,916 You know, your father was a really wonderful man. 62 00:02:59,916 --> 00:03:03,887 - My father was the greatest man in the world. 63 00:03:05,121 --> 00:03:06,189 And he died a pauper. 64 00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:09,192 I shall never forgive the world for that. 65 00:03:09,192 --> 00:03:10,026 - A pauper? 66 00:03:10,894 --> 00:03:12,462 You amaze me. 67 00:03:12,462 --> 00:03:14,330 It was reported that he left you, his only child, 68 00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:15,999 $2.3 billion. 69 00:03:15,999 --> 00:03:18,968 - Well, what was $2.3 billion to him? 70 00:03:18,968 --> 00:03:21,037 He lost 10.4 billion. 71 00:03:21,037 --> 00:03:24,340 He had promised to leave me 15 billion. 72 00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:26,609 I was left with a beggarly 2.3. 73 00:03:28,211 --> 00:03:29,245 It broke his heart. 74 00:03:30,914 --> 00:03:32,916 - Still, an income of almost 90 million. 75 00:03:33,883 --> 00:03:35,752 - Where did you get that from? 76 00:03:35,752 --> 00:03:39,122 I have barely 50 million a year! 77 00:03:39,122 --> 00:03:41,024 Do you know what that means to a boy brought up 78 00:03:41,024 --> 00:03:43,493 on an income of 10 figures? 79 00:03:43,493 --> 00:03:45,128 The humiliation of it! 80 00:03:46,896 --> 00:03:48,331 - I never thought I'd say this to a member of my own sex, 81 00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:49,966 but you take my breath away, sir. 82 00:03:49,966 --> 00:03:52,468 - As I am about to take my own breath away, 83 00:03:52,468 --> 00:03:55,405 I have no time to attend to yours. 84 00:03:55,405 --> 00:03:57,507 - Oh, the suicide, I almost forgot. 85 00:03:57,507 --> 00:03:59,342 - Had you indeed? 86 00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:01,878 Well, will you please give your mind to it for a moment, 87 00:04:01,878 --> 00:04:03,313 and draw up a will for me to sign, 88 00:04:03,313 --> 00:04:06,049 leaving everything to Alexander? 89 00:04:06,049 --> 00:04:07,250 - To humiliate him? 90 00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,084 - No. 91 00:04:09,085 --> 00:04:10,787 To ruin him. 92 00:04:10,787 --> 00:04:12,722 To destroy him. 93 00:04:12,722 --> 00:04:14,724 To make him a beggar on horseback 94 00:04:14,724 --> 00:04:16,526 so that he may ride to the devil! 95 00:04:17,393 --> 00:04:20,730 Money goes to his head, I have seen it at work on him! 96 00:04:20,730 --> 00:04:24,100 - Yeah, I've seen that happen to many other clients. 97 00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:27,370 But you can't be sure. 98 00:04:28,271 --> 00:04:31,140 He may marry some sensible fellow. 99 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:31,975 - You are right. 100 00:04:32,909 --> 00:04:34,878 Make it a condition of the inheritance 101 00:04:34,878 --> 00:04:36,713 that within a month from my funeral 102 00:04:36,713 --> 00:04:40,116 he marries a lowly man called Thonghunter. 103 00:04:41,084 --> 00:04:42,485 - Funny name. 104 00:04:42,485 --> 00:04:45,555 - Oh, his real name is Hector Rodriguez. 105 00:04:45,555 --> 00:04:48,091 But he calls himself "Thonghunter" on social media, 106 00:04:48,091 --> 00:04:52,562 and his emails to Alexander are also signed Thonghunter, 107 00:04:52,562 --> 00:04:54,731 as a hint, I suppose, that he wants Alex 108 00:04:54,731 --> 00:04:56,866 to buy him another dozen. 109 00:04:56,866 --> 00:04:58,401 It's disgusting! 110 00:04:58,401 --> 00:05:00,503 - Well, I should like to meet this Thonghunter. 111 00:05:00,503 --> 00:05:01,938 I mean, Hector. 112 00:05:01,938 --> 00:05:03,473 - Why in the world? 113 00:05:03,473 --> 00:05:04,741 I thought you were straight, 114 00:05:04,741 --> 00:05:09,679 or do you secretly fall elsewhere on the Kinsey scale? 115 00:05:09,779 --> 00:05:12,382 - Well, if Alex prefers Hector to you, 116 00:05:12,382 --> 00:05:14,317 he must certainly be worth knowing. 117 00:05:14,317 --> 00:05:16,619 I shall have Alex introduce me. 118 00:05:16,619 --> 00:05:19,489 - I am sorry that you wish to add yet another loser 119 00:05:19,489 --> 00:05:22,425 to your circle of friends, Julius Sagamore. 120 00:05:22,425 --> 00:05:24,160 - Well, my friends and I wont matter 121 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,328 once you've taken this. 122 00:05:26,362 --> 00:05:27,864 - What's this? 123 00:05:27,864 --> 00:05:29,165 - Oh, for the suicide. 124 00:05:29,165 --> 00:05:32,001 One sip of that will kill you like a thunderbolt. 125 00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:36,339 - You seem to take my death very coolly, Mister Sagamore. 126 00:05:36,339 --> 00:05:37,607 - I'm used to it. 127 00:05:37,607 --> 00:05:38,441 - Do you mean to tell me 128 00:05:38,441 --> 00:05:40,810 that you have so many clients driven to despair 129 00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:42,312 that you keep a prescription for them? 130 00:05:42,312 --> 00:05:43,513 - I do. 131 00:05:43,513 --> 00:05:44,514 It's infallible. 132 00:05:47,317 --> 00:05:50,853 - You're sure that they have all died painlessly 133 00:05:50,853 --> 00:05:53,089 and instantaneously? 134 00:05:53,089 --> 00:05:55,024 - No, they're all still alive. 135 00:05:55,024 --> 00:05:56,726 - Alive? 136 00:05:56,726 --> 00:05:58,328 The prescription is a harmless fraud. 137 00:05:58,328 --> 00:06:01,230 - No, that's a deadly poison, they just never take it. 138 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,065 - Why? 139 00:06:02,065 --> 00:06:03,933 - I don't know, but they never do. 140 00:06:03,933 --> 00:06:05,335 - Well, I will. 141 00:06:05,335 --> 00:06:09,038 And I hope you are lethally injected for giving it to me. 142 00:06:09,038 --> 00:06:11,274 - I'm only acting as your solicitor. 143 00:06:11,274 --> 00:06:12,842 You have said you wanted to commit suicide 144 00:06:12,842 --> 00:06:14,444 and you've come to me for advice. 145 00:06:14,444 --> 00:06:16,679 I'm doing my best for you, so that you can die 146 00:06:16,679 --> 00:06:20,283 without wasting a lot of gas or diving off a cliff. 147 00:06:20,283 --> 00:06:22,685 And I'll only charge your executors $500. 148 00:06:23,553 --> 00:06:25,588 - For advising me how to kill myself? 149 00:06:25,588 --> 00:06:27,890 - Tomorrow, not today. 150 00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:30,226 - Why put it off until tomorrow? 151 00:06:30,226 --> 00:06:32,528 - Tomorrow's as good as today. 152 00:06:32,528 --> 00:06:33,363 There's no hurry. 153 00:06:34,497 --> 00:06:37,700 - You are a brute, a beast, and a pig. 154 00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:39,369 My life is nothing to you. 155 00:06:39,369 --> 00:06:42,005 You do not even ask what has driven me to this. 156 00:06:42,005 --> 00:06:43,272 You're the lowest of the low. 157 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,942 You make money out of the death of your clients! 158 00:06:45,942 --> 00:06:46,943 - I do. 159 00:06:46,943 --> 00:06:48,811 There will be quite a bit of business connected 160 00:06:48,811 --> 00:06:49,612 with your death. 161 00:06:49,612 --> 00:06:51,914 I'm sure Alex will come settle your affairs. 162 00:06:51,914 --> 00:06:55,685 - And you expect me to kill myself to make money for you? 163 00:06:55,685 --> 00:06:57,820 - Well, it's you who raised my expectations, sir. 164 00:06:57,820 --> 00:07:00,456 - Oh, St. Joan of Arc, listen to this man! 165 00:07:01,858 --> 00:07:02,992 Has it ever occurred to you 166 00:07:02,992 --> 00:07:04,894 that when someone's life is wrecked, 167 00:07:04,894 --> 00:07:09,432 they need a little sympathy and not a bottle of poison? 168 00:07:09,432 --> 00:07:11,667 You're as despicable as a psychiatrist! 169 00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:14,337 - I really can't sympathize with suicide. 170 00:07:14,337 --> 00:07:16,639 It's never appealed to me, somehow. 171 00:07:16,639 --> 00:07:17,940 But still, if it must be done, 172 00:07:17,940 --> 00:07:20,243 it should be done promptly and scientifically. 173 00:07:21,344 --> 00:07:24,013 - You don't even ask what Alexander has done to me. 174 00:07:24,013 --> 00:07:25,648 - Why does it matter what Alexander has done to you 175 00:07:25,648 --> 00:07:26,482 when you're dead? 176 00:07:26,482 --> 00:07:28,317 - You are what my grandmother would have called 177 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:30,086 an unmitigated hog, Julius Sagamore! 178 00:07:30,086 --> 00:07:31,320 - Why bother about me? 179 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,556 The prescription will solve everything. 180 00:07:33,556 --> 00:07:34,791 - Damn your prescription! 181 00:07:36,259 --> 00:07:37,093 There! 182 00:07:38,394 --> 00:07:39,328 - Infallible. 183 00:07:40,663 --> 00:07:42,799 Now that you've blown off some steam, 184 00:07:42,799 --> 00:07:45,268 why don't you sit down and tell me what is wrong? 185 00:07:46,936 --> 00:07:49,072 Please, go ahead. 186 00:07:49,072 --> 00:07:53,342 - As I said, my father was the greatest man in the world. 187 00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:57,180 He loved me, his only child, so much 188 00:07:57,180 --> 00:07:59,348 that as soon as it became apparent to him 189 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:02,351 that I would happier spending my life with a man 190 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,387 than a woman, he became one 191 00:08:04,387 --> 00:08:08,791 of the nation's most avid supporters of same sex marriage. 192 00:08:08,791 --> 00:08:13,362 His only concern was that I should make a foolish marriage, 193 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:16,999 and lose the little money he was able to leave me. 194 00:08:16,999 --> 00:08:18,968 - The 2.3 billion, precisely. 195 00:08:18,968 --> 00:08:20,136 - Don't interrupt me. 196 00:08:22,038 --> 00:08:24,140 He made me promise that whenever a man wanted me 197 00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:28,578 to marry him, I should impose a condition on my consent. 198 00:08:28,578 --> 00:08:29,979 - So? 199 00:08:29,979 --> 00:08:31,047 What condition? 200 00:08:31,047 --> 00:08:33,382 - I was to give him $10,000, 201 00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,951 and tell him that if within six months 202 00:08:34,951 --> 00:08:39,722 he had turned that $10,000 into three million, I was his. 203 00:08:39,722 --> 00:08:42,291 If not, I was never to see him again. 204 00:08:42,291 --> 00:08:43,826 I saw the wisdom of this! 205 00:08:43,826 --> 00:08:46,062 Nobody but my father could have thought 206 00:08:46,062 --> 00:08:50,933 of such a real, infallible, unsentimental test. 207 00:08:51,734 --> 00:08:53,169 I gave him my sacred promise 208 00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:55,371 that I would carry it out faithfully. 209 00:08:55,371 --> 00:08:57,140 - And you broke that promise, I see. 210 00:08:57,140 --> 00:08:59,008 - What do you mean, broke that promise? 211 00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:01,110 - Well, you married Alexander. 212 00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:02,812 Now Alexander is a jolly good fellow 213 00:09:02,812 --> 00:09:04,947 but you're not going to persuade me 214 00:09:04,947 --> 00:09:07,383 that Alexander made 3 million in six months 215 00:09:07,383 --> 00:09:08,651 with a capital of 10,000. 216 00:09:10,052 --> 00:09:10,887 - He did. 217 00:09:11,854 --> 00:09:14,357 That man's luck is extraordinary. 218 00:09:15,191 --> 00:09:16,893 He always wins. 219 00:09:16,893 --> 00:09:18,094 He wins at tennis. 220 00:09:18,094 --> 00:09:19,929 He wins at boxing. 221 00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:22,698 I saw him win an amateur middle weight championship. 222 00:09:23,566 --> 00:09:25,434 He has a solar plexus punch 223 00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:28,237 that no other boxer can withstand. 224 00:09:28,237 --> 00:09:29,105 - And you married a man 225 00:09:29,105 --> 00:09:31,941 for his superlative solar plexus punch? 226 00:09:31,941 --> 00:09:34,277 - Well, he was handsome. 227 00:09:34,277 --> 00:09:36,946 Now, I admit I can be quite prudish, 228 00:09:36,946 --> 00:09:39,749 and I don't enjoy the sexual activities 229 00:09:39,749 --> 00:09:43,719 that most men of my orientation revel in. 230 00:09:43,719 --> 00:09:46,522 I'm a pure romantic, 231 00:09:46,522 --> 00:09:49,458 and I've never needed anything beyond kissing 232 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:52,795 and cuddling to feel happy with a man. 233 00:09:52,795 --> 00:09:55,298 - And Alexander knew that you were, 234 00:09:55,298 --> 00:09:58,134 well, essentially Asexual, when he married you? 235 00:09:58,134 --> 00:09:59,468 - Every man I've ever gone out with 236 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,070 on a date has known that! 237 00:10:02,104 --> 00:10:04,473 I've tried to confine myself to Roman Catholic men, 238 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,709 as they are much easier to convince 239 00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:09,712 that sex is base and vulgar, 240 00:10:09,712 --> 00:10:14,417 and that, you know, romance and matters of the heart 241 00:10:14,417 --> 00:10:16,786 are what's really important. 242 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:18,988 Alexander himself comes 243 00:10:18,988 --> 00:10:21,557 from a very strong Roman Catholic family, 244 00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:25,895 and I'm afraid I made a very common mistake. 245 00:10:25,895 --> 00:10:28,998 I took him at his word when he told me that, as a Catholic, 246 00:10:28,998 --> 00:10:31,601 he believed it was sinful to have sex with a man. 247 00:10:32,702 --> 00:10:35,137 At first I thought that his religious beliefs 248 00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:38,474 and my chastity were going to be compatible, 249 00:10:38,474 --> 00:10:42,044 but what I didn't realize was that boxing had been his way 250 00:10:42,044 --> 00:10:45,248 of sublimating his sexual urges. 251 00:10:45,248 --> 00:10:47,216 Do you know what sublimation is? 252 00:10:47,216 --> 00:10:48,050 - I do. 253 00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:49,151 I minored in Psychology. 254 00:10:49,151 --> 00:10:51,053 - Oh, so did I. 255 00:10:52,054 --> 00:10:55,891 Anyhow, all of Alexander's ardor was in his fists. 256 00:10:57,059 --> 00:11:00,663 I shall never forget the day, it was during our honeymoon... 257 00:11:00,663 --> 00:11:03,266 (Gounod's "Romeo et Juliette" inspired theme) 258 00:11:18,447 --> 00:11:21,017 ...when his unwillingness to spoon together infuriated me 259 00:11:21,017 --> 00:11:23,786 to such a degree that I went for him with my fists. 260 00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:26,989 He knocked me out with that abominable punch 261 00:11:26,989 --> 00:11:28,824 in the first exchange. 262 00:11:28,824 --> 00:11:31,093 (shouting) 263 00:11:32,428 --> 00:11:33,429 Have you ever been knocked out 264 00:11:33,429 --> 00:11:34,797 by a punch in the solar plexus? 265 00:11:34,797 --> 00:11:36,432 - No, no, thank goodness. 266 00:11:36,432 --> 00:11:37,600 I'm not a pugilist. 267 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,469 - It does not put you to sleep like a punch on the jaw! 268 00:11:41,337 --> 00:11:44,640 When Alexander saw my face contorted in agony, 269 00:11:48,144 --> 00:11:49,478 he was horrified. 270 00:11:49,478 --> 00:11:51,614 He said he did it automatically, 271 00:11:51,614 --> 00:11:53,983 that he always countered that way, by instinct. 272 00:12:02,558 --> 00:12:05,194 I almost respected him for it. 273 00:12:05,194 --> 00:12:06,595 - Then why do you want to get rid of him? 274 00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,764 - I want to get rid of myself! 275 00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:11,167 I want to punish myself for making a mess of my life 276 00:12:11,167 --> 00:12:13,769 and marrying an imbecile. 277 00:12:13,769 --> 00:12:16,706 I, Victor Ognisanti di Parerga, saw myself 278 00:12:16,706 --> 00:12:19,408 as the most sophisticated young man in America 279 00:12:19,408 --> 00:12:21,911 marrying the most impressive fellow I'd ever seen. 280 00:12:23,012 --> 00:12:25,948 And I was only a goose marrying a buck rabbit! 281 00:12:26,782 --> 00:12:28,384 What was there for me but death? 282 00:12:29,218 --> 00:12:32,421 And now you have put me off it with your fooling 283 00:12:32,421 --> 00:12:34,824 and I don't know what I want. 284 00:12:35,725 --> 00:12:37,360 That is a horrible state of mind. 285 00:12:38,561 --> 00:12:43,566 I am a man who must always want something and always get it! 286 00:12:43,599 --> 00:12:45,034 - An acquisitive man. 287 00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:46,235 Precisely. 288 00:12:46,235 --> 00:12:47,536 How splendid. 289 00:12:47,536 --> 00:12:48,704 (phone ringing) 290 00:12:48,704 --> 00:12:49,605 One moment. 291 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:53,834 Yes? 292 00:12:55,469 --> 00:12:56,337 One moment. 293 00:12:58,339 --> 00:13:00,107 Your husband is here with another man. 294 00:13:00,107 --> 00:13:01,108 They want to see me. 295 00:13:15,022 --> 00:13:17,658 - I have no sense of humor, 296 00:13:17,658 --> 00:13:20,461 but this strikes me as irresistibly funny! 297 00:13:20,461 --> 00:13:22,530 (laughs) 298 00:13:23,531 --> 00:13:27,134 You actually left me to spend the night 299 00:13:27,134 --> 00:13:30,037 in the arms of Mr. Thonghunter. 300 00:13:30,037 --> 00:13:30,871 - No. 301 00:13:30,871 --> 00:13:33,674 No, no, I tell you, it's perfectly innocent. 302 00:13:33,674 --> 00:13:35,109 - Was he in your arms or was he not? 303 00:13:35,109 --> 00:13:38,078 - Well, yes, of course he was in my arms. 304 00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:39,780 Just not in the way that you mean. 305 00:13:41,315 --> 00:13:43,584 - Then he's even more of a repressed fish 306 00:13:43,584 --> 00:13:44,919 than I took him for. 307 00:13:44,919 --> 00:13:48,656 But really, a man capable of flouncing out of the house 308 00:13:48,656 --> 00:13:50,991 when I was on the point of pardoning him 309 00:13:50,991 --> 00:13:54,094 and giving him a night of real romantic bliss 310 00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:57,031 would be capable of any imbecility. 311 00:13:57,031 --> 00:13:57,865 - Pardoning me? 312 00:13:58,999 --> 00:14:00,534 Pardoning me for what? 313 00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:02,503 What had I done when you flew out at me? 314 00:14:02,503 --> 00:14:04,371 - I did not fly out at you. 315 00:14:04,371 --> 00:14:06,040 I have never lost my dignity 316 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,676 even under the most insufferable wrongs. 317 00:14:08,676 --> 00:14:09,743 - You hadn't any wrongs. 318 00:14:09,743 --> 00:14:11,312 You drove me out of the house. 319 00:14:11,312 --> 00:14:12,513 - I did not. 320 00:14:12,513 --> 00:14:14,648 I never meant you to go. 321 00:14:15,883 --> 00:14:18,185 It was abominably selfish of you. 322 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,357 You had your Thonghunter to go to, I had nobody. 323 00:14:23,357 --> 00:14:25,092 Adrian was out of town. 324 00:14:25,092 --> 00:14:26,026 - Adrian? 325 00:14:26,026 --> 00:14:28,028 I don't follow. 326 00:14:28,028 --> 00:14:31,866 - Well, he is a gentleman with whom I discuss subjects 327 00:14:31,866 --> 00:14:34,568 that are beyond my husband's mental grasp, 328 00:14:34,568 --> 00:14:38,506 which, as you can see, is extremely limited. 329 00:14:38,506 --> 00:14:40,674 - A dude that sets up to be an intellectual 330 00:14:40,674 --> 00:14:43,210 because his father was a publisher. 331 00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,145 He makes up to Vicki and pretends to be in love with him 332 00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:46,847 because Vicki has a good caterer. 333 00:14:46,847 --> 00:14:50,017 I tell Vicki the dude cares for nothing but his food. 334 00:14:50,017 --> 00:14:52,052 He only comes at mealtimes. 335 00:14:52,052 --> 00:14:54,255 A belly-god, I call him. 336 00:14:54,255 --> 00:14:56,223 And I'm expected to put up with him. 337 00:14:56,223 --> 00:14:58,359 But if I so much as look at Hector... 338 00:14:59,927 --> 00:15:00,761 Oh my! 339 00:15:00,761 --> 00:15:02,963 - The cases are quite different. 340 00:15:02,963 --> 00:15:06,233 Adrian worships the ground I tread on, that is true. 341 00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:08,168 But if you think Thonghunter worships 342 00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:11,338 the ground you tread on, you flatter yourself grossly. 343 00:15:12,406 --> 00:15:14,341 The man endures you and pets you 344 00:15:14,341 --> 00:15:16,644 because you buy thongs for him, 345 00:15:16,644 --> 00:15:20,614 and no doubt anything else he might be short of. 346 00:15:20,614 --> 00:15:21,782 - Well, I never contradict anyone, 347 00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:23,584 as that always leads to trouble. 348 00:15:24,818 --> 00:15:26,387 And I'm afraid I do cost him a good deal, 349 00:15:26,387 --> 00:15:30,090 as he does like me to have nice things that I can't afford. 350 00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:32,226 - No, Hecky darling, you don't. 351 00:15:32,226 --> 00:15:35,129 I'm always pushing things on you that you won't take. 352 00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:36,997 You're a heck of a lot more careful with my money 353 00:15:36,997 --> 00:15:37,932 than I am myself. 354 00:15:37,932 --> 00:15:40,334 - Aww, how touching! 355 00:15:40,334 --> 00:15:41,735 (phone ringing) 356 00:15:41,735 --> 00:15:42,570 - One moment. 357 00:15:45,072 --> 00:15:45,906 Yes? 358 00:15:48,008 --> 00:15:50,210 Did you say Blenderbland? 359 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,211 - Adrian? 360 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,613 How did he know I was here? 361 00:15:52,613 --> 00:15:54,748 - Ask the gentleman to wait. 362 00:15:54,748 --> 00:15:57,818 Perhaps you can tell me something about him, Mr. di Parerga? 363 00:15:57,818 --> 00:16:00,654 Is he the chairman of Blenderbland's Literary Pennyworths? 364 00:16:00,654 --> 00:16:01,589 - No, no, no. 365 00:16:01,589 --> 00:16:04,158 That's his father, who created the business. 366 00:16:04,158 --> 00:16:07,728 Adrian is on the board, but he has no business ability. 367 00:16:07,728 --> 00:16:09,863 He is on 15 boards of directors, in fact, 368 00:16:09,863 --> 00:16:12,466 on the strength of his father's reputation, 369 00:16:12,466 --> 00:16:14,535 but has never, as far as I know, 370 00:16:14,535 --> 00:16:17,338 contributed an idea to any of them. 371 00:16:17,338 --> 00:16:19,006 - Be fair to him, Vicki. 372 00:16:19,006 --> 00:16:22,242 No man in New York knows how to order a dinner better. 373 00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:23,978 That's what keeps him at the top in this town. 374 00:16:23,978 --> 00:16:25,379 - Thank you, I think I know enough. 375 00:16:25,379 --> 00:16:26,580 Shall I send him in? 376 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:29,216 - Certainly, I want to know what he is doing here. 377 00:16:29,216 --> 00:16:31,018 - That's fine with me. 378 00:16:31,018 --> 00:16:33,120 You understand, of course, that I am not supposed 379 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,489 to know anything of his relations with my husband, 380 00:16:35,489 --> 00:16:36,523 whatever they may be. 381 00:16:37,591 --> 00:16:41,795 - They are perfectly innocent..so far. 382 00:16:41,795 --> 00:16:44,131 I am not quite convinced that I love Adrian yet. 383 00:16:44,131 --> 00:16:47,735 He makes himself agreeable, that is all. 384 00:16:48,802 --> 00:16:50,004 - Send the gentleman in. 385 00:16:52,906 --> 00:16:53,841 - Hello. 386 00:16:54,908 --> 00:16:57,711 Where have we all come from? 387 00:16:57,711 --> 00:16:59,513 (laughs) 388 00:16:59,513 --> 00:17:01,248 Good morning, Vic. 389 00:17:01,248 --> 00:17:03,951 How you doing, Alexander? 390 00:17:03,951 --> 00:17:06,654 And Mr. Sagamore, I presume. 391 00:17:06,654 --> 00:17:07,755 - Yes. 392 00:17:07,755 --> 00:17:11,058 - I didn't know you were engaged. 393 00:17:11,058 --> 00:17:11,892 - You actually came 394 00:17:11,892 --> 00:17:13,394 at exactly the right time, Mr. Blenderbland. 395 00:17:13,394 --> 00:17:15,529 Please have a seat. 396 00:17:15,529 --> 00:17:16,363 - Thank you. 397 00:17:20,401 --> 00:17:23,203 The fact is, Victor mentioned your name to me 398 00:17:23,203 --> 00:17:26,707 in conversation as his choice of a new solicitor. 399 00:17:26,707 --> 00:17:30,277 So I figured I couldn't place myself in better hands. 400 00:17:31,378 --> 00:17:34,415 - Did you come here to consult Mr. Sagamore about me? 401 00:17:34,415 --> 00:17:37,418 - Well, yes, I suppose so. 402 00:17:38,452 --> 00:17:41,789 But hadn't we better discuss it a little in private first? 403 00:17:41,789 --> 00:17:43,524 - You shall do nothing of the sort! 404 00:17:43,524 --> 00:17:46,794 I will not have my affairs discussed by anybody 405 00:17:46,794 --> 00:17:49,530 in public or in private! 406 00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:52,099 They concern myself alone. 407 00:17:52,099 --> 00:17:54,301 - May I not discuss my own affairs? 408 00:17:54,301 --> 00:17:55,703 - Not with my solicitor, 409 00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:56,704 I shan't have it! 410 00:17:56,704 --> 00:17:58,472 - And now he's off at the deep end again. 411 00:17:58,472 --> 00:18:00,374 We might as well go home. 412 00:18:00,374 --> 00:18:03,944 - What is life if it isn't lived at the deep end? 413 00:18:03,944 --> 00:18:07,448 Alexander, you are a tadpole! 414 00:18:07,448 --> 00:18:08,282 - Don't do that! 415 00:18:08,282 --> 00:18:12,286 - Mr. Fitzfassenden, why did you marry Mr. di Parerga? 416 00:18:12,286 --> 00:18:13,587 - Why? 417 00:18:13,587 --> 00:18:15,756 Does that require an explanation? 418 00:18:15,756 --> 00:18:17,825 I have told you why I married him. 419 00:18:17,825 --> 00:18:21,295 - Well, though you might not think it, 420 00:18:21,295 --> 00:18:23,964 he can be terribly fascinating when he wants to be. 421 00:18:23,964 --> 00:18:25,766 - You are all here consulting me, 422 00:18:25,766 --> 00:18:28,202 but none of you has given me any instructions. 423 00:18:28,202 --> 00:18:30,204 Had you all better not be divorced? 424 00:18:30,204 --> 00:18:31,872 - What is the creature to live on? 425 00:18:31,872 --> 00:18:32,873 He has nothing. 426 00:18:33,874 --> 00:18:35,743 When Alexander proposed to me, 427 00:18:35,743 --> 00:18:39,146 he was too great an idiot to comprehend his own audacity. 428 00:18:39,146 --> 00:18:41,315 I kept my promise to my father. 429 00:18:41,315 --> 00:18:43,917 I handed him a check for $10,000. 430 00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:46,453 "Make that into three million within six months," I said, 431 00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:47,788 "and I am yours." 432 00:18:48,956 --> 00:18:51,125 - You never told me this. 433 00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:52,659 - Why would I tell you this? 434 00:18:52,659 --> 00:18:55,295 It's a revolting story. 435 00:18:55,295 --> 00:18:57,464 - What is revolting about it? 436 00:18:57,464 --> 00:18:59,500 Did I make good or did I not? 437 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,435 Did I go through hell to make that money and win you 438 00:19:01,435 --> 00:19:02,736 or did I not? 439 00:19:02,736 --> 00:19:05,339 - Do I understand you to say, Alex, 440 00:19:05,339 --> 00:19:08,408 that you made $3 million in six months? 441 00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:09,276 - [Alexander] Why not? 442 00:19:09,276 --> 00:19:11,812 - With your own madness, your ignorance, 443 00:19:11,812 --> 00:19:13,647 your criminal instincts, 444 00:19:13,647 --> 00:19:16,250 and the luck that attends the half-witted! 445 00:19:17,651 --> 00:19:19,353 You won my hand, 446 00:19:19,353 --> 00:19:23,023 for which the matrimonially inclined gay populations 447 00:19:23,023 --> 00:19:27,594 of America, England, and Europe were on their knees! 448 00:19:29,329 --> 00:19:31,832 What you deserved was a five year prison sentence. 449 00:19:31,832 --> 00:19:33,400 - Five? 450 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,902 15, more likely. 451 00:19:35,736 --> 00:19:37,237 That was what I risked for you. 452 00:19:37,237 --> 00:19:39,106 And what did I get by it? 453 00:19:39,106 --> 00:19:41,542 Life with you was worse than any prison sentence. 454 00:19:41,542 --> 00:19:42,943 - It would have been heaven to you 455 00:19:42,943 --> 00:19:47,014 if nature had fitted you for such a companionship as mine. 456 00:19:47,014 --> 00:19:49,016 But what was in it for me? 457 00:19:49,016 --> 00:19:50,918 No man had been good enough for me! 458 00:19:52,152 --> 00:19:54,388 I was like a prince in a modern fairy tale 459 00:19:54,388 --> 00:19:58,392 offering all eligible gay men alive my hand and fortune 460 00:19:58,392 --> 00:20:01,061 if they passed my father's test. 461 00:20:01,061 --> 00:20:03,897 Able men, brilliant men, younger sons 462 00:20:03,897 --> 00:20:06,500 of the noblest, progressive-minded families 463 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:10,370 either refused the test or failed. 464 00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:11,672 Why? 465 00:20:11,672 --> 00:20:15,175 Because they were too honest or too proud. 466 00:20:16,176 --> 00:20:19,213 This thing succeeded, 467 00:20:19,213 --> 00:20:23,083 and I found myself tied for life to an insect. 468 00:20:24,184 --> 00:20:25,552 - You can say what you want, 469 00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:28,922 but you were just as much in love with me as I was with you. 470 00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:36,496 - Well...you were young, you were well shaped, 471 00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:39,366 your lawn tennis was outstanding, 472 00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:41,101 you were a magnificent boxer, 473 00:20:42,102 --> 00:20:46,340 and I was excited by...physical contact with you. 474 00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:47,407 - [Julius] I thought you were revolted 475 00:20:47,407 --> 00:20:49,443 by sexual contact, Mr. di Parerga. 476 00:20:49,443 --> 00:20:51,712 - Physical contact is obviously distinct 477 00:20:51,712 --> 00:20:54,848 from sexual contact, Julius Sagamore, 478 00:20:54,848 --> 00:20:58,752 and therefore, physical attraction is obviously distinct 479 00:20:58,752 --> 00:21:00,554 from sexual attraction. 480 00:21:01,922 --> 00:21:04,858 A person can be physically attracted to someone 481 00:21:04,858 --> 00:21:07,995 and want to kiss them and embrace them, 482 00:21:07,995 --> 00:21:11,865 without necessarily wanting to make sexual contact with them 483 00:21:11,865 --> 00:21:14,134 and blow them or screw them! 484 00:21:17,304 --> 00:21:22,309 Anyhow, Alexander is physically attractive. 485 00:21:23,944 --> 00:21:26,580 I wished to keep making physical contact with him, 486 00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:29,917 and that is my sole excuse for having married him. 487 00:21:30,784 --> 00:21:32,219 Now are you going to sit there 488 00:21:32,219 --> 00:21:35,789 and pretend that he has any mental charm? 489 00:21:38,091 --> 00:21:41,128 - But how did he make the $3 million? 490 00:21:41,128 --> 00:21:43,230 Was it on the Stock Exchange? 491 00:21:43,230 --> 00:21:44,998 My bank account balance at present is 492 00:21:44,998 --> 00:21:46,133 somewhere around 10 grand, 493 00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:47,968 so I should very much like to know how 494 00:21:47,968 --> 00:21:49,670 to make it up to three million. 495 00:21:51,638 --> 00:21:54,675 You are so rich, Victor, that every decent man 496 00:21:54,675 --> 00:21:57,711 who approaches you feels like a needy adventurer. 497 00:21:57,711 --> 00:21:59,212 You don't know how a guy 498 00:21:59,212 --> 00:22:03,016 to whom $5,000 is a considerable sum feels 499 00:22:03,016 --> 00:22:04,017 in the arms of a man 500 00:22:04,017 --> 00:22:08,155 to whom a million is simply pocket money. 501 00:22:08,155 --> 00:22:11,458 - Nor do you know what it's like to be in the arms of a man 502 00:22:11,458 --> 00:22:14,328 and know that you could buy him up 20 times over 503 00:22:14,328 --> 00:22:16,997 and never miss the price! 504 00:22:16,997 --> 00:22:22,002 - Now, if I give you my 10 grand, will you invest it for me? 505 00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:26,139 - It is not worth investing. 506 00:22:26,139 --> 00:22:28,475 You cannot make money on the Stock Exchange 507 00:22:28,475 --> 00:22:31,812 until your weekly account is at least a couple of millions. 508 00:22:32,779 --> 00:22:35,315 Do not meddle with money, Adrian! 509 00:22:36,783 --> 00:22:38,185 You do not understand it. 510 00:22:39,486 --> 00:22:41,822 I will give you all you need. 511 00:22:43,223 --> 00:22:44,358 - No, no, no, thank you. 512 00:22:44,358 --> 00:22:46,660 I would lose my self respect. 513 00:22:47,561 --> 00:22:49,629 Plus I prefer the poor man's luxury 514 00:22:49,629 --> 00:22:52,399 of paying for your taxi rides and flowers 515 00:22:52,399 --> 00:22:55,068 and theater tickets and high teas, 516 00:22:55,068 --> 00:22:58,305 and lending you all the little sums of money you need 517 00:22:58,305 --> 00:23:00,040 when we're together. 518 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,074 - Yes, it's true, 519 00:23:01,074 --> 00:23:05,412 I never carry any pocket money about with me. 520 00:23:05,412 --> 00:23:08,015 Oh my gosh, I must owe you a couple of hundred millions 521 00:23:08,015 --> 00:23:10,751 in odd 10 dollar notes. 522 00:23:10,751 --> 00:23:14,121 I shall tell my bankers that you want 100 grand on account. 523 00:23:14,121 --> 00:23:15,722 - But I don't. 524 00:23:15,722 --> 00:23:18,859 I love lending you 10 dollar notes. 525 00:23:18,859 --> 00:23:22,129 Of course, as they run through my bank account 526 00:23:22,129 --> 00:23:26,900 at an alarming rate, I would honestly like a lesson or two 527 00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:29,369 from Alex in the art of turning tens of thousands 528 00:23:29,369 --> 00:23:32,239 into hundreds and hundreds of thousands. 529 00:23:33,106 --> 00:23:36,943 - His example would be useless to you, Adrian, 530 00:23:36,943 --> 00:23:40,781 because Alexander is one of nature's marvels. 531 00:23:40,781 --> 00:23:45,786 There is nothing marvelous about you...except your appetite. 532 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,121 Listen. 533 00:23:48,121 --> 00:23:50,924 On each of his birthdays, his aunt presented him 534 00:23:50,924 --> 00:23:54,694 with a CD featuring one or all of the Three Tenors. 535 00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:57,364 He found that he could imitate the Three Tenors 536 00:23:57,364 --> 00:23:59,332 with the greatest facility 537 00:23:59,332 --> 00:24:02,469 and became convinced that he could make a fortune 538 00:24:02,469 --> 00:24:04,538 as an operatic tenor himself. 539 00:24:04,538 --> 00:24:07,474 He was like those people who go on reality TV shows 540 00:24:07,474 --> 00:24:09,943 and think that they can sing opera 541 00:24:09,943 --> 00:24:12,345 without any kind of formal classical training. 542 00:24:12,345 --> 00:24:13,580 You know those people. 543 00:24:14,748 --> 00:24:18,285 So the first use he made of my money was 544 00:24:18,285 --> 00:24:23,290 to give $3,500 to the manager of an itsy bitsy opera company 545 00:24:23,757 --> 00:24:27,294 which was then on its last legs in Buffalo 546 00:24:27,294 --> 00:24:30,630 to allow him to appear for one night as Romeo 547 00:24:30,630 --> 00:24:33,967 in Gounod's "Romeo et Juliette". 548 00:24:35,669 --> 00:24:38,605 I laughed until I fell on the floor of my box 549 00:24:38,605 --> 00:24:40,707 in screaming hysterics. 550 00:24:40,707 --> 00:24:42,676 The audience hooted and booed 551 00:24:42,676 --> 00:24:46,146 but they could not make themselves heard above your roaring. 552 00:24:47,047 --> 00:24:49,282 Romeo and Juliet hadn't even met yet, 553 00:24:49,282 --> 00:24:51,852 when one of the ushers came charging into my box 554 00:24:51,852 --> 00:24:54,054 and informed me that the manager had absconded 555 00:24:54,054 --> 00:24:58,592 with my $3,500 and left the whole company flat. 556 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,830 - I'm telling you it was a plot. 557 00:25:01,830 --> 00:25:04,432 Why shouldn't people like my singing? 558 00:25:04,432 --> 00:25:05,834 I can sing louder than any tenor on the stage. 559 00:25:05,834 --> 00:25:07,369 I can sing higher! 560 00:25:07,369 --> 00:25:09,771 - The poor blighter who sang Mercutio was deaf 561 00:25:09,771 --> 00:25:11,840 in the left ear, into which you bellowed 562 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,842 with all your force! 563 00:25:14,776 --> 00:25:17,679 Not only did I have to agree to pay everyone's salaries 564 00:25:17,679 --> 00:25:19,014 at the end of the night, 565 00:25:19,014 --> 00:25:21,349 but the prima donna refused to get on the same stage 566 00:25:21,349 --> 00:25:25,587 on which you'd bellowed! And they didn't have an understudy, 567 00:25:25,587 --> 00:25:29,024 so...I managed to save the day for everyone 568 00:25:29,024 --> 00:25:31,693 by singing Juliette myself! 569 00:25:31,693 --> 00:25:33,495 Of course, we had to make an announcement 570 00:25:33,495 --> 00:25:37,365 that the soprano was being replaced by a baritone, 571 00:25:37,365 --> 00:25:39,834 and so Juliette became Julien. 572 00:25:40,936 --> 00:25:42,504 You see, I'd been classically trained 573 00:25:42,504 --> 00:25:43,672 since I was a teenager, 574 00:25:43,672 --> 00:25:47,475 and I know almost every major opera by heart. 575 00:25:47,475 --> 00:25:48,710 Especially the French ones, 576 00:25:48,710 --> 00:25:50,979 as French is my favorite language. 577 00:25:52,013 --> 00:25:55,750 While other teenagers were watching porn, 578 00:25:55,750 --> 00:25:57,352 I was studying opera. 579 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,156 (orchestra playing dramatically) 580 00:26:04,259 --> 00:26:08,096 (singing the 'Ah! Je veux vivre' French operatic aria) 581 00:27:52,100 --> 00:27:55,103 (audience applauds) 582 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,977 (Victor's V/O) I must say, they lapped it all up like honey. 583 00:28:05,613 --> 00:28:06,815 - Yes, it's true. 584 00:28:07,749 --> 00:28:09,951 He's probably the only baritone on Earth 585 00:28:09,951 --> 00:28:11,953 that can execute the florid musical ornaments 586 00:28:11,953 --> 00:28:13,521 usually reserved for a soprano. 587 00:28:13,521 --> 00:28:14,489 - Wow. 588 00:28:14,489 --> 00:28:16,891 I'll have to hear you sing some day, Mr. di Parerga. 589 00:28:16,891 --> 00:28:19,360 - Oh, he could have gone pro in opera if he wanted to. 590 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:20,628 - Except I could never tolerate 591 00:28:20,628 --> 00:28:22,997 the way they sexualize opera these days, 592 00:28:22,997 --> 00:28:27,402 you know, to cater to the lowest common denominator. 593 00:28:27,402 --> 00:28:29,337 - Well, in any case, 594 00:28:30,538 --> 00:28:31,639 singing onstage with you was one 595 00:28:31,639 --> 00:28:33,541 of the greatest experiences in my life. 596 00:28:34,542 --> 00:28:36,711 And of course there was no competition between us, 597 00:28:36,711 --> 00:28:38,947 since I'm a tenor and he's a baritone. 598 00:28:40,181 --> 00:28:41,850 I should have been the happiest man alive 599 00:28:41,850 --> 00:28:44,052 if I could have established my own opera company with you, 600 00:28:44,052 --> 00:28:46,755 and gone on singing together for the rest of our lives. 601 00:28:46,755 --> 00:28:49,124 - And you would have been the most handsome tenor 602 00:28:49,124 --> 00:28:50,492 in the world to look at, dear, 603 00:28:50,492 --> 00:28:53,661 but if I had to do one more duet with you, 604 00:28:53,661 --> 00:28:55,697 I should have gone deaf myself. 605 00:28:56,564 --> 00:28:57,866 I only did it that one night 606 00:28:57,866 --> 00:28:59,734 because I believed I owed it to the audience 607 00:28:59,734 --> 00:29:00,902 to let the show go on. 608 00:29:02,036 --> 00:29:06,775 - Still, this does not explain how he made the $3 million. 609 00:29:08,443 --> 00:29:12,080 - I leave him to tell that disgraceful tale himself. 610 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,915 I believe he is proud of it. 611 00:29:14,916 --> 00:29:19,687 He descended from opera to the depths of ghetto garbage. 612 00:29:20,822 --> 00:29:22,390 - Well, it worked out all right. 613 00:29:23,391 --> 00:29:25,293 I met this young producer 614 00:29:25,293 --> 00:29:27,695 and I told him I was crazy about a guy who wouldn't marry me 615 00:29:27,695 --> 00:29:30,131 unless I made three million in six months, 616 00:29:30,131 --> 00:29:32,567 and that I had 6.5 grand to start with. 617 00:29:32,567 --> 00:29:33,434 We took a theater. 618 00:29:33,434 --> 00:29:35,403 We engaged a first rate cast. 619 00:29:35,403 --> 00:29:36,237 We got a play. 620 00:29:36,237 --> 00:29:38,273 We got a superb production. 621 00:29:38,273 --> 00:29:41,442 The story had all the elements the public loves - 622 00:29:41,442 --> 00:29:44,078 hookers, booze, weed, and hip hop. 623 00:29:44,078 --> 00:29:46,514 We never asked the price of anything, 624 00:29:46,514 --> 00:29:50,418 just went up to our necks for tens and tens of thousands. 625 00:29:51,586 --> 00:29:53,721 - But how did you pay for all these things? 626 00:29:54,756 --> 00:29:58,626 - It was a "Flamingo", but it was a heck of a job. 627 00:29:58,626 --> 00:30:00,428 - I don't understand. 628 00:30:00,428 --> 00:30:02,230 What is a "flamingo"? 629 00:30:02,230 --> 00:30:04,432 - It's actually quite simple. 630 00:30:04,432 --> 00:30:06,234 You sell shares of the production 631 00:30:06,234 --> 00:30:08,469 in order to pay for something with a check. 632 00:30:08,469 --> 00:30:09,404 So say you paid for something 633 00:30:09,404 --> 00:30:11,372 with a check for 6 1/2 thousand, 634 00:30:11,372 --> 00:30:13,608 but you don't have a dime in the bank. 635 00:30:13,608 --> 00:30:16,444 You induce a friend or investor to buy a share from you 636 00:30:16,444 --> 00:30:18,112 for 6 1/2 thousand. 637 00:30:18,112 --> 00:30:20,181 That provides for that check. 638 00:30:20,181 --> 00:30:24,519 But then it obliges you, on pain of 18 months imprisonment, 639 00:30:24,519 --> 00:30:26,821 to induce another friend or another investor 640 00:30:26,821 --> 00:30:28,923 to buy a share for 13,000 from you. 641 00:30:28,923 --> 00:30:32,527 That provides for the next check and the first investor. 642 00:30:32,527 --> 00:30:35,296 And so you go on spending and selling 643 00:30:35,296 --> 00:30:38,566 from 100% of shares to 500% of shares, 644 00:30:38,566 --> 00:30:40,468 from thousands to tens of thousands, 645 00:30:40,468 --> 00:30:44,906 and from risks of 18 months imprisonment to five years, 646 00:30:44,906 --> 00:30:48,710 10 years, even 15 years. 647 00:30:48,710 --> 00:30:50,745 But all I wanted was the three million, 648 00:30:52,180 --> 00:30:53,081 so I cleared out with it 649 00:30:53,081 --> 00:30:55,550 and I came swanking back to claim Victor's hand. 650 00:30:58,353 --> 00:31:01,422 He thought I was great. 651 00:31:01,422 --> 00:31:02,957 I was great. 652 00:31:04,158 --> 00:31:05,426 The money made me great. 653 00:31:07,896 --> 00:31:10,465 I tell you, I was drunk on it, I was like a new man. 654 00:31:11,599 --> 00:31:14,102 - But just now, when I suggested a divorce, 655 00:31:14,102 --> 00:31:15,703 you asked how he would live. 656 00:31:16,537 --> 00:31:18,640 What happened to the $3 million? 657 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,909 - He bought a circus with it, 658 00:31:20,909 --> 00:31:23,912 after traveling to my ancestral Sri Lanka with me 659 00:31:23,912 --> 00:31:26,314 and falling in love with elephants. 660 00:31:26,314 --> 00:31:29,517 He thought he could launch the next Cirque du Soleil... 661 00:31:29,517 --> 00:31:30,785 with elephants! 662 00:31:31,653 --> 00:31:35,189 He thought everything he touched would turn into gold. 663 00:31:35,189 --> 00:31:38,026 I had to liquidate that circus a month later. 664 00:31:38,026 --> 00:31:39,761 He was about to turn the wild beasts loose 665 00:31:39,761 --> 00:31:41,496 and run away when I intervened. 666 00:31:43,431 --> 00:31:48,436 I was down $26,308 by the transaction. 667 00:31:49,437 --> 00:31:50,805 - Was it my fault? 668 00:31:50,805 --> 00:31:52,206 The elephant got influenza. 669 00:31:52,206 --> 00:31:54,976 The Department of Health and Human Services shut me down 670 00:31:54,976 --> 00:31:56,010 and wouldn't let me move on 671 00:31:56,010 --> 00:31:59,480 because the animals might carry foot-and-mouth disease. 672 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,582 - In any event, the net result was 673 00:32:01,582 --> 00:32:04,585 that instead of his being $3 million to the good, 674 00:32:04,585 --> 00:32:08,823 I was $26,300 to the bad. 675 00:32:08,823 --> 00:32:12,260 Instead of bringing me the revenues of a prince and a hero, 676 00:32:12,260 --> 00:32:16,030 he cost me the allowance of a worm. 677 00:32:16,030 --> 00:32:21,035 And now he has the audacity to ask me for a divorce! 678 00:32:21,703 --> 00:32:23,771 - No, I don't. 679 00:32:23,771 --> 00:32:26,174 It was Julius who suggested that. 680 00:32:27,342 --> 00:32:29,711 How can I afford to let you divorce me? 681 00:32:29,711 --> 00:32:32,680 As your husband I enjoy a good deal of social consideration, 682 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,749 and the retailers give me unlimited credit. 683 00:32:34,749 --> 00:32:37,018 - For thongs, among other things. 684 00:32:37,018 --> 00:32:39,020 - Oh, does he pay for them, Ally? 685 00:32:39,020 --> 00:32:40,722 - No, never mind, darling. 686 00:32:40,722 --> 00:32:43,257 I have proven that I can make money when I am put to it 687 00:32:43,257 --> 00:32:46,027 and I will do it again, and I will buy you all the satin 688 00:32:46,027 --> 00:32:48,096 and leather and jeweled thongs you want 689 00:32:48,096 --> 00:32:49,497 out of my own earnings. 690 00:32:49,497 --> 00:32:50,898 Don't be upset, darling. 691 00:32:50,898 --> 00:32:51,733 - There! 692 00:32:51,733 --> 00:32:54,268 They think they are married already. 693 00:32:54,268 --> 00:32:57,205 - I'm afraid the matter is not in your hands, Alex. 694 00:32:57,205 --> 00:33:00,508 Mr. di Parerga can divorce you whether you like it or not. 695 00:33:00,508 --> 00:33:02,744 The evidence is that on a recent occasion 696 00:33:02,744 --> 00:33:05,013 you left your spouse to take refuge 697 00:33:05,013 --> 00:33:07,281 in the arms of Mr. Rodriguez. 698 00:33:07,281 --> 00:33:09,751 The Court will give Mr. di Parerga a decree on that. 699 00:33:09,751 --> 00:33:11,319 - Well, let it. 700 00:33:11,319 --> 00:33:14,789 I can support Alexander until he makes another fortune. 701 00:33:14,789 --> 00:33:17,325 Yes, you all think he's a fool, but he's a good boy. 702 00:33:17,325 --> 00:33:20,294 I think it's just disgusting how you all turn against him, 703 00:33:20,294 --> 00:33:22,397 and how you treat him like dirt under your feet. 704 00:33:22,397 --> 00:33:23,664 I mean, I would like to know, 705 00:33:23,664 --> 00:33:26,134 what would you be without your money? 706 00:33:26,134 --> 00:33:30,104 - Nobody is anybody without money, Thonghunter. 707 00:33:30,104 --> 00:33:32,140 My dear old father taught me that. 708 00:33:33,141 --> 00:33:35,143 "Stick to your money," he said, 709 00:33:35,143 --> 00:33:38,312 "and all the other things shall be added unto you!" 710 00:33:39,547 --> 00:33:41,482 He said it was in the Bible. 711 00:33:41,482 --> 00:33:43,551 I have never verified the quotation 712 00:33:43,551 --> 00:33:45,920 but I have never forgotten it. 713 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,755 I have stuck to my money 714 00:33:47,755 --> 00:33:50,158 and I shall continue to stick to it. 715 00:33:51,392 --> 00:33:54,095 Rich as I am, I can hardly forgive Alexander 716 00:33:54,095 --> 00:33:57,832 for letting me down by $26,300. 717 00:33:57,832 --> 00:34:01,202 - $26,308, stingy beast, don't forget. 718 00:34:02,036 --> 00:34:02,970 But I will pay it. 719 00:34:04,205 --> 00:34:05,039 - Yes, you will, hun, 720 00:34:05,039 --> 00:34:06,808 I'll take out my insurance and give it to you. 721 00:34:07,708 --> 00:34:10,478 - May I have that in writing, Mr. Rodriguez? 722 00:34:10,478 --> 00:34:12,814 - Oh, you should be ashamed of yourself, you greedy pig. 723 00:34:12,814 --> 00:34:14,449 It was your own fault. 724 00:34:14,449 --> 00:34:17,018 Why did you sell the elephant for 2,500? 725 00:34:17,018 --> 00:34:18,119 He cost 20 grand! 726 00:34:18,119 --> 00:34:20,388 - Let's not diverge from the point. 727 00:34:20,388 --> 00:34:21,222 - What is the point? 728 00:34:21,222 --> 00:34:24,459 - The point is you can obtain a divorce if you wish. 729 00:34:24,459 --> 00:34:25,960 - I don't wish. 730 00:34:26,861 --> 00:34:29,363 Do you think I am going to be dragged through divorce courts 731 00:34:29,363 --> 00:34:32,733 and have my picture in the papers with that thing? 732 00:34:32,733 --> 00:34:36,037 To have the story of my infatuation told in headlines 733 00:34:36,037 --> 00:34:38,239 in every tabloid in town? 734 00:34:40,041 --> 00:34:44,479 Besides, it is convenient to be married. 735 00:34:44,479 --> 00:34:46,848 It is respectable. 736 00:34:46,848 --> 00:34:49,951 It keeps other men and women off. 737 00:34:49,951 --> 00:34:54,455 It gives me a freedom that I cannot enjoy as a single man. 738 00:34:54,455 --> 00:34:57,658 I have become accustomed to having a spouse. 739 00:34:57,658 --> 00:35:02,730 No, decidedly, I will not divorce Alexander, 740 00:35:02,730 --> 00:35:06,067 at least until I can find a substitute whom I really want! 741 00:35:07,068 --> 00:35:11,105 - You can't divorce Alexander unless he chose to let you. 742 00:35:11,105 --> 00:35:13,074 He's too much of a gentleman to mention it, 743 00:35:13,074 --> 00:35:15,109 but your own behavior hasn't been so very pure 744 00:35:15,109 --> 00:35:17,411 that you'd like to have it shown up in court. 745 00:35:18,212 --> 00:35:19,046 - Look. 746 00:35:19,914 --> 00:35:23,618 Alexander was the first man I ever loved, 747 00:35:23,618 --> 00:35:27,021 and I hope he will not be the last. 748 00:35:27,021 --> 00:35:31,359 But legal difficulties do not exist for people with money. 749 00:35:32,226 --> 00:35:37,231 In any event, as Alexander here cannot afford to divorce me, 750 00:35:37,265 --> 00:35:40,301 and I have no intention of divorcing him, 751 00:35:40,301 --> 00:35:42,069 the question does not arise! 752 00:35:42,937 --> 00:35:46,107 And now I shall need some fresh air. 753 00:35:46,107 --> 00:35:51,112 This orgy of domesticity has made the room stuffy. 754 00:35:51,212 --> 00:35:54,348 Come along, Adrian, we'll drive along to the country 755 00:35:54,348 --> 00:35:55,716 and lunch there. 756 00:35:55,716 --> 00:35:58,419 I know the quaintest little lakeside place, 757 00:35:58,419 --> 00:36:02,757 with enough trees and flowers around to rejuvenate my soul. 758 00:36:03,100 --> 00:36:05,369 How jolly! 759 00:36:07,671 --> 00:36:10,774 - Well, I must be a very attractive man. 760 00:36:12,175 --> 00:36:13,777 - Indeed! 761 00:36:13,777 --> 00:36:15,212 Not that I am denying it, 762 00:36:15,212 --> 00:36:19,616 but what has it to do with what I have just said? 763 00:36:19,616 --> 00:36:22,185 - You said "How jolly!" 764 00:36:22,185 --> 00:36:24,621 I look round at this rotten old inn 765 00:36:24,621 --> 00:36:27,991 trying to pretend that it's a lakeside hotel. 766 00:36:27,991 --> 00:36:31,094 We have just had a horrible meal. 767 00:36:31,094 --> 00:36:33,964 Now if you can suffer this and say "How jolly!" 768 00:36:33,964 --> 00:36:36,700 there must be some irresistible attraction present 769 00:36:36,700 --> 00:36:38,502 and I can see nothing 770 00:36:38,502 --> 00:36:42,673 that is not utterly repulsive except myself! 771 00:36:45,208 --> 00:36:48,979 - Don't you like these dear old-world places? 772 00:36:51,014 --> 00:36:52,649 I do. 773 00:36:52,649 --> 00:36:53,617 - I don't. 774 00:36:55,152 --> 00:36:57,988 Your apartment on the Upper East Side cost more to furnish 775 00:36:57,988 --> 00:37:02,025 than this place did to build from the ground up. 776 00:37:02,025 --> 00:37:04,728 You can get a decent lunch there, perfectly served, 777 00:37:04,728 --> 00:37:07,030 by a word through the telephone. 778 00:37:07,030 --> 00:37:11,401 Or one of your luxurious cars will whisk you off 779 00:37:11,401 --> 00:37:15,005 to one of a dozen first rate hotels with great views. 780 00:37:15,005 --> 00:37:20,010 And yet you chose this filthy old inn and say "How jolly!" 781 00:37:22,179 --> 00:37:26,550 What is the use of being a billionaire on such terms? 782 00:37:27,584 --> 00:37:29,987 - When I was first let loose on the world 783 00:37:29,987 --> 00:37:33,657 with unlimited money, how long do you think it took me 784 00:37:33,657 --> 00:37:35,025 to get sick of shopping 785 00:37:35,025 --> 00:37:38,195 and tired of all the luxuries you think so much of? 786 00:37:39,563 --> 00:37:40,731 About a fortnight. 787 00:37:41,732 --> 00:37:46,737 My father, when he had $7 billion, flew commercial 788 00:37:47,170 --> 00:37:50,374 rather than having his own private jet, 789 00:37:50,374 --> 00:37:55,078 and never spent more than $50 a day on himself, 790 00:37:55,078 --> 00:37:56,980 except when he was entertaining people 791 00:37:56,980 --> 00:37:58,715 who were useful to him. 792 00:38:00,417 --> 00:38:01,785 Why should he? 793 00:38:01,785 --> 00:38:03,820 He couldn't eat more than anyone else. 794 00:38:03,820 --> 00:38:06,089 He couldn't drink more than anyone else. 795 00:38:06,089 --> 00:38:08,258 He couldn't wear more than anyone else. 796 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,228 Neither can I. 797 00:38:12,229 --> 00:38:16,066 - But you promised me a very special treat, Victor. 798 00:38:16,066 --> 00:38:19,269 You said you had found out the most wonderful place 799 00:38:19,269 --> 00:38:21,505 by the lake, where we could be ourselves 800 00:38:21,505 --> 00:38:26,076 and have a delicious cottage meal in primitive happiness. 801 00:38:26,076 --> 00:38:30,113 Now where is the charm of this dismal hole? 802 00:38:30,113 --> 00:38:32,249 Have you ever had a viler lunch? 803 00:38:32,249 --> 00:38:33,817 There's not even a private sitting room. 804 00:38:33,817 --> 00:38:35,986 All these base people can just come and go 805 00:38:35,986 --> 00:38:37,721 as ever they please. 806 00:38:37,721 --> 00:38:39,222 I can think of at least five other places upstate 807 00:38:39,222 --> 00:38:40,057 where we would have been much more comfortable. 808 00:38:40,057 --> 00:38:43,460 And look, the weather forecast says there might be rain. 809 00:38:51,134 --> 00:38:53,236 - Is that my fault? 810 00:38:53,236 --> 00:38:57,574 - Well, it completes your notion of a happy day by the lake. 811 00:38:58,709 --> 00:39:00,544 Why is it that people 812 00:39:00,544 --> 00:39:03,547 who know how to enjoy themselves never have any money, 813 00:39:03,547 --> 00:39:06,817 and the people who have money never know how 814 00:39:06,817 --> 00:39:08,852 to enjoy themselves? 815 00:39:11,354 --> 00:39:14,858 - You are not making yourself agreeable, Adrian. 816 00:39:15,759 --> 00:39:20,464 - And you are not entertaining me munificently, Victor. 817 00:39:22,365 --> 00:39:23,200 For heaven's sake, 818 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,535 let's get in the car and go to the Hamptons. 819 00:39:25,535 --> 00:39:26,970 The car is far more luxurious 820 00:39:26,970 --> 00:39:31,241 than this hideous coffee room, and more private. 821 00:39:31,241 --> 00:39:33,210 - I am tired of my car. 822 00:39:33,210 --> 00:39:35,812 - I'm not tired of your car. 823 00:39:35,812 --> 00:39:38,181 I wish I could afford one like it. 824 00:39:40,317 --> 00:39:42,052 - I thought you would enjoy sitting 825 00:39:42,052 --> 00:39:44,821 in this crazy out-of-the-way place talking to me. 826 00:39:45,989 --> 00:39:49,359 But I find you are a spoiled, fussy bachelor. 827 00:39:49,359 --> 00:39:51,661 You care about nothing but your food 828 00:39:51,661 --> 00:39:54,064 and your little comforts. 829 00:39:54,064 --> 00:39:55,699 Oh my goodness! 830 00:39:56,566 --> 00:39:58,201 You should have met my father. 831 00:39:59,903 --> 00:40:02,305 - I'm very glad I did not. 832 00:40:05,675 --> 00:40:06,843 - What's that you say? 833 00:40:07,811 --> 00:40:11,314 - My dear Victor, if we are to remain close, 834 00:40:11,314 --> 00:40:14,417 I might as well be quite frank with you. 835 00:40:14,417 --> 00:40:17,788 Everything you've told me about your father convinces me 836 00:40:17,788 --> 00:40:21,691 that though he was an affectionate parent and amiable enough 837 00:40:21,691 --> 00:40:25,862 to explain your rather tiresome father fixation, 838 00:40:25,862 --> 00:40:28,031 as Dr. Freud would call it, 839 00:40:28,031 --> 00:40:31,768 he must have been quite the most appalling bore 840 00:40:31,768 --> 00:40:35,639 to ever devastate even a Rotary Club! 841 00:40:35,639 --> 00:40:36,907 - My father! 842 00:40:36,907 --> 00:40:39,810 You infinite nothingness! 843 00:40:39,810 --> 00:40:42,646 My father made billions of dollars. 844 00:40:42,646 --> 00:40:44,648 You never even made half a million. 845 00:40:44,648 --> 00:40:47,651 - My good boy, your father never made anything. 846 00:40:48,485 --> 00:40:51,154 I haven't the slightest notion of how he contrived 847 00:40:51,154 --> 00:40:51,988 to get a legal claim on so much of what others made, 848 00:40:51,988 --> 00:40:54,758 but I do know he managed to lose 4/5ths of it 849 00:40:58,028 --> 00:41:00,096 by being far enough behind the times 850 00:41:00,096 --> 00:41:03,266 to buy up the properties of those Middle Eastern royals 851 00:41:03,266 --> 00:41:05,702 under the belief that America would squash 852 00:41:05,702 --> 00:41:08,271 the revolution there in three weeks or so. 853 00:41:08,271 --> 00:41:11,541 Could anyone have made a stupider mistake? 854 00:41:11,541 --> 00:41:12,909 Not I! 855 00:41:15,645 --> 00:41:16,546 - You rotten thing. 856 00:41:16,546 --> 00:41:19,249 Take that for calling my father a bore! 857 00:41:19,249 --> 00:41:21,284 - Please, restrain yourself! 858 00:41:21,284 --> 00:41:23,553 You might have hurt me very seriously. 859 00:41:23,553 --> 00:41:25,922 - I will hurt you until you wish yourself dead. 860 00:41:27,591 --> 00:41:28,692 Scum! 861 00:41:28,692 --> 00:41:30,227 Filth! 862 00:41:30,227 --> 00:41:32,629 Take that for saying he never made anything. 863 00:41:34,264 --> 00:41:35,298 - Help! 864 00:41:35,298 --> 00:41:36,867 There's a madman on the loose. 865 00:41:36,867 --> 00:41:40,437 I won't be able to hold him single handedly, help! 866 00:41:40,437 --> 00:41:41,271 - Vermin! 867 00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,241 - Help, police! 868 00:41:44,241 --> 00:41:45,208 He's murdering me. 869 00:41:45,208 --> 00:41:46,042 He's mad. 870 00:41:46,877 --> 00:41:47,711 - Dirt! 871 00:41:48,578 --> 00:41:49,412 Carrion! 872 00:41:53,250 --> 00:41:55,318 (groans) 873 00:41:59,256 --> 00:42:00,090 You brute! 874 00:42:02,659 --> 00:42:03,827 You've killed me. 875 00:42:09,599 --> 00:42:11,668 (crying) 876 00:42:11,668 --> 00:42:13,169 Oh, Daddy! 877 00:42:13,169 --> 00:42:15,338 (banging) 878 00:42:23,980 --> 00:42:25,048 - What's the matter? 879 00:42:25,048 --> 00:42:26,917 What is going on here? 880 00:42:31,421 --> 00:42:33,456 - Who the devil are you? 881 00:42:34,691 --> 00:42:35,525 - I am a doctor. 882 00:42:35,525 --> 00:42:36,359 I heard a great disturbance, 883 00:42:36,359 --> 00:42:38,161 I hastened to ascertain the cause, 884 00:42:38,161 --> 00:42:41,998 and now I find you here in convulsions. 885 00:42:43,366 --> 00:42:44,200 Can I help? 886 00:42:45,435 --> 00:42:47,170 - I am dying. 887 00:42:47,170 --> 00:42:48,538 - Nonsense. 888 00:42:48,538 --> 00:42:49,940 You can swear. 889 00:42:49,940 --> 00:42:51,942 The fit has subsided. 890 00:42:51,942 --> 00:42:54,144 You can sit back, you are quite well. 891 00:42:56,112 --> 00:42:57,213 Good afternoon. 892 00:42:57,213 --> 00:42:58,048 - Stop! 893 00:42:59,015 --> 00:43:01,518 I am not quite well, I am on the point of death. 894 00:43:01,518 --> 00:43:03,253 I need a doctor! 895 00:43:03,253 --> 00:43:04,688 I am a rich man. 896 00:43:05,989 --> 00:43:07,891 - In that case, you should have no difficulty 897 00:43:07,891 --> 00:43:11,061 finding any doctor in the area. You don't need me. 898 00:43:11,061 --> 00:43:12,896 Is there anyone else who needs my help? 899 00:43:12,896 --> 00:43:14,230 I was upstairs. 900 00:43:14,230 --> 00:43:16,700 The sound was of somebody falling downstairs. 901 00:43:16,700 --> 00:43:19,002 He may have broken some bones! 902 00:43:19,002 --> 00:43:19,836 Excuse me. 903 00:43:21,504 --> 00:43:23,673 - Never mind him! 904 00:43:23,673 --> 00:43:26,242 If he had broken every bone in his body, 905 00:43:26,242 --> 00:43:28,712 it is no more than he deserves. 906 00:43:28,712 --> 00:43:30,246 Come back instantly. 907 00:43:30,246 --> 00:43:31,514 I want you. 908 00:43:31,514 --> 00:43:32,916 Come back. 909 00:43:32,916 --> 00:43:33,750 Come back! 910 00:43:51,868 --> 00:43:52,702 - The landlord is taking the gentleman 911 00:43:52,702 --> 00:43:54,104 to the hospital in your car. 912 00:43:55,905 --> 00:43:57,340 - In my car? 913 00:43:57,340 --> 00:43:59,142 I shan't permit it. 914 00:43:59,142 --> 00:44:01,144 Let them call an ambulance. 915 00:44:01,144 --> 00:44:02,312 - The car has gone. 916 00:44:02,312 --> 00:44:04,647 You should be very glad it is being so useful. 917 00:44:05,915 --> 00:44:10,453 - It is your business to doctor me, not to lecture me. 918 00:44:10,453 --> 00:44:12,589 - I am not your doctor. 919 00:44:12,589 --> 00:44:13,656 I am not in general practice. 920 00:44:13,656 --> 00:44:16,826 I keep a clinic for penniless refugees and immigrants, 921 00:44:16,826 --> 00:44:19,062 and I work at the cottage hospital. 922 00:44:19,062 --> 00:44:20,230 I cannot attend to you. 923 00:44:21,264 --> 00:44:22,565 - You can attend to me! 924 00:44:26,836 --> 00:44:28,505 You must attend to me! 925 00:44:29,506 --> 00:44:31,574 Are you going to leave me here to die? 926 00:44:31,574 --> 00:44:32,742 - You're not dying. 927 00:44:32,742 --> 00:44:34,177 Not yet, at least. 928 00:44:34,177 --> 00:44:36,079 Your own doctor will attend to you. 929 00:44:36,079 --> 00:44:37,680 - You are my own doctor. 930 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:42,485 I tell you I am a rich man! Doctors' fees are nothing to me. 931 00:44:42,485 --> 00:44:44,020 Charge me what you please, 932 00:44:44,020 --> 00:44:46,956 but you must and shall attend to me! 933 00:44:46,956 --> 00:44:48,825 You are abominably rude, 934 00:44:48,825 --> 00:44:52,796 but you inspire confidence as a doctor. 935 00:44:52,796 --> 00:44:55,098 - If I attended all those in whom I inspire confidence, 936 00:44:55,098 --> 00:44:57,100 I should be worn out in a week. 937 00:44:57,100 --> 00:45:00,670 I have to reserve myself for the poor and useful people! 938 00:45:00,670 --> 00:45:02,472 - Then you are either a fool 939 00:45:02,472 --> 00:45:05,542 or a miserable imitation of Mother Teresa! 940 00:45:05,542 --> 00:45:07,877 - I wouldn't compare myself to Mother Teresa. 941 00:45:07,877 --> 00:45:08,912 I am a devout Catholic 942 00:45:08,912 --> 00:45:11,181 and I do consider myself a servant of God. 943 00:45:12,115 --> 00:45:15,985 - You are not! You are my doctor, do you hear? 944 00:45:15,985 --> 00:45:17,720 I am a sick man. 945 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:21,024 You can't abandon me to die in this wretched place. 946 00:45:21,024 --> 00:45:23,126 - I see no symptoms of sickness about you. 947 00:45:24,627 --> 00:45:25,962 Are you in pain? 948 00:45:25,962 --> 00:45:27,397 - Yes. 949 00:45:27,397 --> 00:45:28,398 Horrible pain. 950 00:45:29,666 --> 00:45:30,733 - Whereabouts? 951 00:45:30,733 --> 00:45:34,471 - Don't cross-examine me as if you didn't believe me. 952 00:45:34,471 --> 00:45:36,239 I must have sprained my wrist 953 00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:39,242 throwing that beast all over the place. 954 00:45:39,242 --> 00:45:40,110 - Which one? 955 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:44,714 - This! 956 00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:51,721 - Nothing whatever the matter. 957 00:45:52,689 --> 00:45:53,523 - How do you know? 958 00:45:53,523 --> 00:45:54,524 It's my hand, not yours! 959 00:45:54,524 --> 00:45:55,725 - You would scream the house down 960 00:45:55,725 --> 00:45:57,360 if your wrist were sprained. 961 00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,762 You are shamming, lying. 962 00:45:59,762 --> 00:46:01,097 Why? 963 00:46:01,097 --> 00:46:02,866 Is it to make yourself interesting? 964 00:46:06,402 --> 00:46:09,205 - Make myself interesting? 965 00:46:09,205 --> 00:46:12,108 Man, I am interesting! 966 00:46:13,109 --> 00:46:15,044 - Not in the least, medically. 967 00:46:15,945 --> 00:46:17,780 Are you interesting in any other way? 968 00:46:18,648 --> 00:46:22,285 - I am the most interesting young man in America! 969 00:46:22,285 --> 00:46:25,388 I am Victor Ognisanti di Parerga. 970 00:46:26,623 --> 00:46:27,724 - Never heard of him. 971 00:46:28,625 --> 00:46:31,027 Eurasian aristocrat, I presume. 972 00:46:31,861 --> 00:46:33,363 - Aristocrat? 973 00:46:33,363 --> 00:46:35,632 Do you take me for a fool? 974 00:46:35,632 --> 00:46:37,967 My ancestors were moneylenders 975 00:46:37,967 --> 00:46:42,405 to half of Europe and Asia 500 years ago. 976 00:46:42,405 --> 00:46:45,875 We are now bankers to almost the whole world. 977 00:46:47,043 --> 00:46:50,079 - Well then, you should be a Jewish Princess. 978 00:46:51,781 --> 00:46:53,750 - Spare me your attempts at humor. 979 00:46:53,750 --> 00:46:56,352 The stupidest di Parerga can just walk 980 00:46:56,352 --> 00:47:00,456 round the cleverest Jew when it comes to moneymaking. 981 00:47:00,456 --> 00:47:04,027 We are the only real aristocracy in the world, 982 00:47:04,027 --> 00:47:07,230 the aristocracy of money. 983 00:47:07,230 --> 00:47:09,465 - The plutocracy, in fact. 984 00:47:09,465 --> 00:47:10,867 - If you like. 985 00:47:10,867 --> 00:47:13,836 I am a plutocrat of the plutocrats. 986 00:47:15,939 --> 00:47:19,776 - Well, that is a disease for which I do not prescribe. 987 00:47:20,677 --> 00:47:22,445 The only known cure is a revolution, 988 00:47:23,646 --> 00:47:25,515 but the mortality rate can be high. 989 00:47:25,515 --> 00:47:27,450 If it is the wrong sort of revolution, 990 00:47:28,618 --> 00:47:30,220 it only intensifies the disease. 991 00:47:33,356 --> 00:47:34,490 I cannot help you. 992 00:47:34,490 --> 00:47:36,159 I must get back to work. 993 00:47:36,159 --> 00:47:36,993 Good afternoon. 994 00:47:36,993 --> 00:47:38,428 - But this is your work! 995 00:47:38,428 --> 00:47:39,696 What else have you to do? 996 00:47:41,130 --> 00:47:42,699 - There is more good to be done in the world 997 00:47:42,699 --> 00:47:46,669 besides attending to rich imaginary invalids. 998 00:47:46,669 --> 00:47:49,272 - But if you are well paid? 999 00:47:49,272 --> 00:47:51,007 - I make the little money I need by work 1000 00:47:51,007 --> 00:47:53,543 which I venture to think more important. 1001 00:47:53,543 --> 00:47:54,944 Although my father's American, 1002 00:47:54,944 --> 00:47:57,614 I grew up mostly in France with my French mother, 1003 00:47:58,581 --> 00:48:01,384 and so I do not espouse the materialistic values of America, 1004 00:48:02,318 --> 00:48:03,419 only its work ethic. 1005 00:48:05,321 --> 00:48:09,826 - You are a hog, a beast, and a twit. 1006 00:48:09,826 --> 00:48:11,761 It is the most abominable thing of you 1007 00:48:11,761 --> 00:48:14,697 to leave me here in my distress! 1008 00:48:14,697 --> 00:48:16,432 My car is gone! 1009 00:48:16,432 --> 00:48:18,067 I have no money! 1010 00:48:18,067 --> 00:48:19,736 I never carry any money about. 1011 00:48:20,703 --> 00:48:22,605 - I have none to carry! 1012 00:48:22,605 --> 00:48:24,774 Your car will return presently. 1013 00:48:24,774 --> 00:48:26,676 You can borrow money from your driver. 1014 00:48:27,877 --> 00:48:31,381 - You are an unmitigated hippopotamus is what you are! 1015 00:48:33,416 --> 00:48:35,918 I've known many fine gentlemen from France 1016 00:48:35,918 --> 00:48:39,422 but you are just a Snail Snapper! 1017 00:48:40,323 --> 00:48:42,759 I might have known it from that ridiculous cap 1018 00:48:42,759 --> 00:48:44,527 pretending to be a beret. 1019 00:48:45,495 --> 00:48:48,097 You should take it off in my presence! 1020 00:48:56,500 --> 00:48:58,368 At least have the manners to stay with me 1021 00:48:58,368 --> 00:49:00,504 until my chauffeur comes back. 1022 00:49:01,838 --> 00:49:03,440 (car honks) 1023 00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:04,574 - He has come back! 1024 00:49:05,942 --> 00:49:06,777 - Damn. 1025 00:49:08,045 --> 00:49:11,181 Can't you wait until he's had his coffee at least? 1026 00:49:12,349 --> 00:49:13,183 - No. 1027 00:49:14,217 --> 00:49:16,086 Be good enough to give me back my cap. 1028 00:49:18,555 --> 00:49:21,491 - I wanted to see what you looked like without it. 1029 00:49:29,566 --> 00:49:30,634 Now listen to me. 1030 00:49:32,035 --> 00:49:34,271 You are having an adventure! 1031 00:49:35,338 --> 00:49:37,274 Is there no romance in you? 1032 00:49:38,942 --> 00:49:42,245 - First of all, what makes you think I'm gay? 1033 00:49:45,482 --> 00:49:47,884 - Oh, I have an excellent gaydar! 1034 00:49:51,054 --> 00:49:53,690 And the only young men who come here anymore are 1035 00:49:53,690 --> 00:49:56,493 the more old-fashioned young gay men, 1036 00:49:56,493 --> 00:49:59,830 who appreciate the fact that Joan Crawford 1037 00:49:59,830 --> 00:50:03,066 and Judy Garland used to be regulars here, 1038 00:50:03,066 --> 00:50:05,402 back when they lived in New York. 1039 00:50:05,402 --> 00:50:08,538 I'm not telling you anything you don't know already, surely. 1040 00:50:09,639 --> 00:50:11,108 - I may be a friend of Dorothy, 1041 00:50:11,108 --> 00:50:14,711 but I'm not a big Joan Crawford fan. 1042 00:50:14,711 --> 00:50:18,215 - Oh, but Joan made so many romantic pictures 1043 00:50:18,215 --> 00:50:21,084 in the late '20s and throughout the '30s. 1044 00:50:22,152 --> 00:50:26,556 I love her just as much as Judy...and Audrey. 1045 00:50:27,491 --> 00:50:31,194 But anyway, leave romance aside for the moment. 1046 00:50:32,062 --> 00:50:35,165 Haven't you even common curiosity? 1047 00:50:35,165 --> 00:50:39,703 Don't you want to know why I threw that beast downstairs? 1048 00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:41,404 Don't you want to throw your wretched work 1049 00:50:41,404 --> 00:50:45,342 to the devil for once and have an afternoon by the lake 1050 00:50:45,342 --> 00:50:49,346 with an interesting and attractive man? 1051 00:50:51,148 --> 00:50:53,150 I'm not a sexual person, you see, 1052 00:50:53,150 --> 00:50:54,684 so you don't have to worry 1053 00:50:54,684 --> 00:50:57,287 about me trying to hook up with you. 1054 00:50:57,287 --> 00:51:00,724 I don't do 95% of the things that other gay men do, 1055 00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:05,729 and I get the feeling you don't either, 1056 00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:09,232 being the devout Catholic you say you are. 1057 00:51:11,001 --> 00:51:13,703 - Yes, that is true. 1058 00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:19,509 But regardless of gender, I'm afraid people in general are 1059 00:51:19,509 --> 00:51:20,710 neither interesting nor attractive to me 1060 00:51:20,710 --> 00:51:22,345 unless they're ill. 1061 00:51:22,345 --> 00:51:24,915 I know them too well, inside and out. 1062 00:51:24,915 --> 00:51:27,817 God has put me on this earth to treat those who are ill. 1063 00:51:27,817 --> 00:51:30,420 You are perfectly well. 1064 00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:31,388 - Liar! 1065 00:51:32,956 --> 00:51:35,325 Nobody is perfectly well, 1066 00:51:36,493 --> 00:51:40,597 nor ever has been, nor ever will be. 1067 00:51:42,399 --> 00:51:43,266 - That is true. 1068 00:51:48,471 --> 00:51:49,439 Are you married? 1069 00:51:50,941 --> 00:51:51,775 - Yes. 1070 00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:54,444 But you need not be afraid. 1071 00:51:54,444 --> 00:51:56,479 My husband is openly unfaithful to me 1072 00:51:56,479 --> 00:51:58,815 and cannot take you into court 1073 00:51:58,815 --> 00:52:02,052 if you were to make out with me. 1074 00:52:03,386 --> 00:52:04,955 I can divorce him if necessary! 1075 00:52:07,157 --> 00:52:09,893 - And the man you threw downstairs, who was he? 1076 00:52:09,893 --> 00:52:12,495 One does not throw one's spouse downstairs. 1077 00:52:13,630 --> 00:52:16,466 Did he make out with you, or perhaps make you angry 1078 00:52:16,466 --> 00:52:18,668 by trying to do more than make out with you? 1079 00:52:19,970 --> 00:52:20,804 - No. 1080 00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:23,773 He insulted my father's memory 1081 00:52:23,773 --> 00:52:26,576 because he was disappointed with his lunch here. 1082 00:52:28,011 --> 00:52:30,013 When I think of my father, 1083 00:52:31,014 --> 00:52:35,452 all ordinary men seem to me the merest trash! 1084 00:52:40,657 --> 00:52:42,392 But you are not an ordinary man. 1085 00:52:43,693 --> 00:52:45,962 I should like to see some more of you. 1086 00:52:48,131 --> 00:52:52,002 Now that you have asked me confidential questions 1087 00:52:52,002 --> 00:52:56,139 about my family, and I have answered them, 1088 00:52:57,741 --> 00:53:01,077 you can no longer pretend that you are not my family doctor! 1089 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:05,282 So that is settled. 1090 00:53:06,616 --> 00:53:09,085 - A father fixation, did you say? 1091 00:53:09,085 --> 00:53:10,186 An excess of money? 1092 00:53:11,621 --> 00:53:14,591 - Only a beggarly 2.3 billion. 1093 00:53:16,126 --> 00:53:18,895 - You are a psychological curiosity. 1094 00:53:20,230 --> 00:53:21,197 I will consider it. 1095 00:53:23,233 --> 00:53:25,435 - Consider it? 1096 00:53:25,435 --> 00:53:30,407 You will feel honored, gratified, delighted. 1097 00:53:32,842 --> 00:53:33,643 - I see... 1098 00:53:34,477 --> 00:53:38,548 Enormous self-confidence, reckless audacity, insane egotism, 1099 00:53:38,548 --> 00:53:41,251 and apparently sexless. 1100 00:53:41,251 --> 00:53:43,520 - Sexless? In the sense 1101 00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:47,557 that I am chaste, pure, and abstinent, yes. 1102 00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:52,062 But I've been told over and over by countless men and women 1103 00:53:52,062 --> 00:53:54,964 that I'm strikingly sexy. 1104 00:53:54,964 --> 00:53:57,200 - I meant you have a rather androgynous demeanor 1105 00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,636 about you. Neither masculine nor feminine. 1106 00:54:00,770 --> 00:54:02,906 More like an angel. 1107 00:54:06,676 --> 00:54:08,645 - [Victor] I should think that's a good thing. 1108 00:54:08,645 --> 00:54:11,514 - The bad thing is that you seem to regard yourself alone 1109 00:54:11,514 --> 00:54:15,485 as sacred, without recognizing the sacredness 1110 00:54:15,485 --> 00:54:18,755 of any other members of your sex, as gay men usually do. 1111 00:54:20,023 --> 00:54:22,625 - Other members of my sex indeed! 1112 00:54:23,793 --> 00:54:28,431 I've always been infinitely purer, more intelligent, 1113 00:54:28,431 --> 00:54:33,002 and more refined than other members of my sex! 1114 00:54:35,805 --> 00:54:38,708 You were right to call me more angel than human. 1115 00:54:39,676 --> 00:54:41,978 Five minutes conversation with the man I married 1116 00:54:41,978 --> 00:54:44,514 will convince you that he and I do not even belong 1117 00:54:44,514 --> 00:54:47,016 to the same species! 1118 00:54:47,016 --> 00:54:48,017 You told me a minute ago 1119 00:54:48,017 --> 00:54:51,254 that you find neither sex interesting or attractive. 1120 00:54:52,455 --> 00:54:55,358 Likewise, I find neither sex sacred 1121 00:54:55,358 --> 00:54:58,561 nor automatically worthy of respect. 1122 00:55:00,330 --> 00:55:04,000 Most men and women are weak in mind! 1123 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:07,604 They yield to dozens of different vices, 1124 00:55:07,604 --> 00:55:10,407 whether it's the consumption of alcohol, 1125 00:55:10,407 --> 00:55:15,111 the viewing of pornography, the engagement in all manner 1126 00:55:15,111 --> 00:55:18,047 of disgusting sexual activities, 1127 00:55:19,382 --> 00:55:24,387 and the compulsion to cheat, steal, defraud, and destroy. 1128 00:55:26,956 --> 00:55:30,994 But there are some great men, like my father. 1129 00:55:33,029 --> 00:55:34,230 There are some great women, 1130 00:55:34,230 --> 00:55:37,700 like the patron saint of France, St. Joan of Arc. 1131 00:55:41,871 --> 00:55:44,174 And there are some good doctors, like you. 1132 00:55:50,380 --> 00:55:51,214 - Thank you. 1133 00:55:54,150 --> 00:55:57,086 What does your regular doctor say about you? 1134 00:55:58,021 --> 00:56:00,657 - I have no regular doctor. 1135 00:56:00,657 --> 00:56:02,725 If I had, I should have an operation a week 1136 00:56:02,725 --> 00:56:06,262 until there was nothing left of me or of my bank balance. 1137 00:56:08,264 --> 00:56:12,302 I shan't expect you to maul me about with a stethoscope, 1138 00:56:12,302 --> 00:56:13,937 if that's what you are afraid of. 1139 00:56:15,405 --> 00:56:19,576 I have the lungs of a whale and the digestion of an ostrich. 1140 00:56:20,844 --> 00:56:22,479 I have a clockwork inside. 1141 00:56:23,613 --> 00:56:26,816 I'm up by sunrise no matter what time I go to bed. 1142 00:56:28,651 --> 00:56:33,656 When I want anything, I lose my head so completely about it 1143 00:56:34,924 --> 00:56:36,793 that I always get it! 1144 00:56:40,763 --> 00:56:43,333 - What things do you want most? 1145 00:56:44,601 --> 00:56:45,435 - Everything! 1146 00:56:46,603 --> 00:56:47,504 Anything! 1147 00:56:48,605 --> 00:56:50,907 Like a lightning flash. 1148 00:56:50,907 --> 00:56:52,909 And then there's no stopping me. 1149 00:56:54,277 --> 00:56:58,715 - Well, everything and anything is no thing. 1150 00:56:58,715 --> 00:57:00,817 (Victor laughs and the Doctor chuckles) 1151 00:57:01,818 --> 00:57:04,320 - Five minutes ago I wanted you. 1152 00:57:06,623 --> 00:57:07,724 Now I have got you! 1153 00:57:08,558 --> 00:57:09,392 - Oh, come now. 1154 00:57:10,827 --> 00:57:11,694 You cannot bluff a doctor. 1155 00:57:11,694 --> 00:57:13,863 You may want the sun and the moon and the stars, 1156 00:57:13,863 --> 00:57:15,899 but you simply cannot get them. 1157 00:57:18,368 --> 00:57:21,037 - That is why I take good care not to want them! 1158 00:57:22,839 --> 00:57:25,875 I want only what I can get. 1159 00:57:27,644 --> 00:57:28,478 - Good. 1160 00:57:29,412 --> 00:57:30,480 A practical intellect. 1161 00:57:32,615 --> 00:57:35,218 And what do you want at the present, for instance? 1162 00:57:35,218 --> 00:57:36,553 - That is the devil of it. 1163 00:57:37,954 --> 00:57:41,491 There is nothing one can get except more money. 1164 00:57:42,559 --> 00:57:45,028 - What about more men? 1165 00:57:46,729 --> 00:57:50,833 - More Alexanders, more Blenderblands? 1166 00:57:53,736 --> 00:57:55,705 Those are not deep wants. 1167 00:57:56,706 --> 00:57:59,909 At present I want a motor launch, yes. 1168 00:58:02,445 --> 00:58:05,615 - There is no such thing in this place. 1169 00:58:05,615 --> 00:58:07,684 - Tell the landlord to stop the first one 1170 00:58:07,684 --> 00:58:09,085 that comes along and buy it. 1171 00:58:09,919 --> 00:58:10,853 - Impossible. 1172 00:58:10,853 --> 00:58:13,056 People will not sell their boats like that. 1173 00:58:14,524 --> 00:58:15,592 - Have you ever tried? 1174 00:58:16,559 --> 00:58:17,794 - Well, no. 1175 00:58:19,228 --> 00:58:20,063 - I have. 1176 00:58:21,564 --> 00:58:23,399 When I need a car or a motor boat 1177 00:58:23,399 --> 00:58:24,701 or a launch or anything like that, 1178 00:58:24,701 --> 00:58:27,403 I buy straight off the road or off the river 1179 00:58:27,403 --> 00:58:28,571 or out of the harbor. 1180 00:58:29,906 --> 00:58:32,208 These things cost hundreds of thousands 1181 00:58:32,208 --> 00:58:34,377 if not millions when they are new, 1182 00:58:34,377 --> 00:58:37,280 but the next day you can't get $500 for them. 1183 00:58:38,848 --> 00:58:41,517 Offer a couple of thousands for any of them 1184 00:58:41,517 --> 00:58:43,886 and the owner dare not refuse. 1185 00:58:45,221 --> 00:58:48,157 He knows he will never get such an offer again. 1186 00:58:50,793 --> 00:58:51,628 - Aha! 1187 00:58:53,096 --> 00:58:55,164 You are a psychologist. 1188 00:58:56,332 --> 00:58:57,867 This is very interesting. 1189 00:58:57,867 --> 00:58:59,502 - Nonsense. 1190 00:58:59,502 --> 00:59:04,474 I know how to buy and sell, if that's what you mean. 1191 00:59:06,342 --> 00:59:08,611 - That is how good psychologists make their money. 1192 00:59:12,650 --> 00:59:14,985 - Have you made any money? 1193 00:59:16,053 --> 00:59:17,521 - No. 1194 00:59:17,521 --> 00:59:20,791 I do not care for money, I care for knowledge. 1195 00:59:21,959 --> 00:59:24,462 - Knowledge is no use without money! 1196 00:59:26,397 --> 00:59:28,566 You're not married, right? 1197 00:59:30,234 --> 00:59:32,970 - I am married to Science. 1198 00:59:32,970 --> 00:59:34,472 I have been since I was a boy. 1199 00:59:35,573 --> 00:59:38,809 - Well, now you are a man, 1200 00:59:40,077 --> 00:59:45,015 and I think you will find me a far more fascinating spouse 1201 00:59:45,015 --> 00:59:48,919 than Science could ever be, if you marry me! 1202 00:59:50,654 --> 00:59:51,489 - Oh! 1203 00:59:52,556 --> 00:59:55,359 Is there any question of that between us? 1204 00:59:55,359 --> 00:59:56,193 - Yes. 1205 00:59:57,294 --> 00:59:58,562 I want to marry you. 1206 01:00:01,165 --> 01:00:01,999 - No, Monsieur. 1207 01:00:03,467 --> 01:00:05,302 You are an exceptionally handsome man, 1208 01:00:05,302 --> 01:00:09,240 but Science is my spouse. 1209 01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:12,510 - You can have Science as well, I shan't be jealous of him! 1210 01:00:13,878 --> 01:00:16,313 But does that mean that you're averse 1211 01:00:16,313 --> 01:00:19,617 to Art, Literature and Music? 1212 01:00:19,617 --> 01:00:21,318 - Quite the contrary. 1213 01:00:21,318 --> 01:00:25,623 My mother raised her children on Art, Literature, and Music. 1214 01:00:25,623 --> 01:00:29,026 However, I only listen to Classical, specifically Opera. 1215 01:00:30,694 --> 01:00:31,629 - Would you like to listen 1216 01:00:31,629 --> 01:00:34,698 to a French operatic aria right now? 1217 01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:37,401 - Right now? 1218 01:00:38,369 --> 01:00:39,503 How, on your phone? 1219 01:00:40,638 --> 01:00:42,406 - Well, yes, the music's on my phone, 1220 01:00:42,406 --> 01:00:45,376 but I'll perform it in the flesh. 1221 01:00:55,553 --> 01:01:00,558 (singing Saint-Saëns' aria "Mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix" ) 1222 01:03:14,858 --> 01:03:18,829 - How did you know that that is one of my favorite arias? 1223 01:03:20,898 --> 01:03:22,766 - I didn't know. 1224 01:03:22,766 --> 01:03:25,869 I only sang it because it's one of my favorites, 1225 01:03:25,869 --> 01:03:29,440 and because, well, 1226 01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:34,411 the sentiment seemed perfectly appropriate right now. 1227 01:03:35,412 --> 01:03:38,382 - I have never heard it sung more beautifully. 1228 01:03:41,652 --> 01:03:44,021 You are truly, deeply blessed! 1229 01:03:45,889 --> 01:03:46,724 - Thank you. 1230 01:03:48,125 --> 01:03:49,727 That's very kind of you to say. 1231 01:03:51,395 --> 01:03:56,467 I daresay it's a sign, that you and I should both like... 1232 01:04:01,472 --> 01:04:06,443 But I made a solemn promise to my father on his deathbed- 1233 01:04:06,577 --> 01:04:07,411 - Stop. 1234 01:04:08,345 --> 01:04:11,815 I made a solemn promise to my mother on her deathbed! 1235 01:04:12,883 --> 01:04:13,717 - What? 1236 01:04:17,221 --> 01:04:20,057 - My mother was a very wise woman. 1237 01:04:20,057 --> 01:04:22,226 She was a pillar of the Roman Catholic Church 1238 01:04:22,226 --> 01:04:25,262 and raised me on all the Christian principles, 1239 01:04:25,262 --> 01:04:27,264 but she also realized that no amount of holy water 1240 01:04:27,264 --> 01:04:29,233 would change the fact that I'm gay. 1241 01:04:29,233 --> 01:04:30,834 (Victor laughs) 1242 01:04:30,834 --> 01:04:33,837 After her prayers to make me heterosexual 1243 01:04:33,837 --> 01:04:36,273 remained unanswered for 10 years, 1244 01:04:36,273 --> 01:04:39,109 she accepted that it was the will of God that I be gay. 1245 01:04:40,678 --> 01:04:41,945 She made me swear to her however 1246 01:04:41,945 --> 01:04:45,282 that if any man wanted to marry me, and I felt tempted, 1247 01:04:45,282 --> 01:04:48,285 that I would hand the man 100 euros 1248 01:04:48,285 --> 01:04:50,087 and tell him that unless he went out into the world 1249 01:04:50,087 --> 01:04:52,322 with just that and the clothes he stood in, 1250 01:04:52,322 --> 01:04:55,859 and earned his living alone and unaided for six months, 1251 01:04:55,859 --> 01:04:57,728 then I would never talk to him again. 1252 01:05:00,397 --> 01:05:03,000 - And if he stood the test? 1253 01:05:04,735 --> 01:05:06,270 - Then I must marry him, 1254 01:05:06,270 --> 01:05:08,172 because any man who could help himself 1255 01:05:09,306 --> 01:05:10,474 would be helped by God. 1256 01:05:19,650 --> 01:05:22,820 - And you dare ask me, 1257 01:05:22,820 --> 01:05:26,356 me, Victor Ognisanti di Parerga, 1258 01:05:26,356 --> 01:05:30,461 to submit myself to this test, to any test? 1259 01:05:30,461 --> 01:05:31,361 - I swore. 1260 01:05:32,396 --> 01:05:34,131 I was a mama's boy. 1261 01:05:34,131 --> 01:05:37,634 My mother was as sweet as the Blessed Virgin. 1262 01:05:37,634 --> 01:05:40,304 I was attached to her like Jesus was to the Madonna. 1263 01:05:41,905 --> 01:05:45,175 - I myself have been compared to the Madonna, 1264 01:05:45,175 --> 01:05:47,678 a masculine version of the Madonna, that is, 1265 01:05:47,678 --> 01:05:51,982 by virtue of my chastity and purity. 1266 01:05:55,152 --> 01:05:56,954 What was your mother, anyhow? 1267 01:05:56,954 --> 01:05:58,122 A teacher? 1268 01:05:58,122 --> 01:05:59,623 - A seamstress. 1269 01:05:59,623 --> 01:06:00,424 A widow. 1270 01:06:01,525 --> 01:06:02,893 She raised seven children. 1271 01:06:02,893 --> 01:06:05,796 I was the youngest, the Gretl. 1272 01:06:07,865 --> 01:06:10,601 The other six are honest working folk. 1273 01:06:10,601 --> 01:06:13,337 With their help, she raised me to be a man of learning. 1274 01:06:14,872 --> 01:06:16,206 It was her ambition to have a son 1275 01:06:16,206 --> 01:06:18,709 who could serve God by serving mankind. 1276 01:06:19,810 --> 01:06:22,546 With her prayers to the Blessed Virgin, 1277 01:06:22,546 --> 01:06:24,548 God endowed me with the necessary talent. 1278 01:06:25,849 --> 01:06:27,718 - And you think I will allow myself 1279 01:06:27,718 --> 01:06:30,420 to be beaten by an old seamstress? 1280 01:06:31,889 --> 01:06:33,957 - I am afraid so. 1281 01:06:33,957 --> 01:06:36,326 You could never pass the test. 1282 01:06:38,595 --> 01:06:40,330 - Indeed! 1283 01:06:40,330 --> 01:06:43,267 And my father's test for a husband worthy of me? 1284 01:06:46,036 --> 01:06:46,870 - Oh. 1285 01:06:48,038 --> 01:06:49,540 I am to be tested too? 1286 01:06:49,540 --> 01:06:50,407 - Mm-hm. 1287 01:06:51,575 --> 01:06:52,943 - Never occurred to me. 1288 01:06:54,111 --> 01:06:56,480 - Nor to your mother either, it seems. 1289 01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:58,816 Well, you know better now. 1290 01:07:00,017 --> 01:07:01,919 I am to give you $10,000. 1291 01:07:02,853 --> 01:07:06,190 In six months, you are to increase it to three million! 1292 01:07:06,190 --> 01:07:08,258 How is that for a test? 1293 01:07:09,993 --> 01:07:11,628 - Quite conclusive. 1294 01:07:11,628 --> 01:07:12,696 At the end of the six months, 1295 01:07:12,696 --> 01:07:17,701 I shall have not a penny to my name, praise be to God. 1296 01:07:20,504 --> 01:07:22,139 - You confess yourself beaten? 1297 01:07:23,407 --> 01:07:25,042 - Absolutely. 1298 01:07:25,042 --> 01:07:25,876 Completely. 1299 01:07:28,178 --> 01:07:30,180 - And you think I am beaten too. 1300 01:07:31,381 --> 01:07:32,749 - Absolutely. 1301 01:07:32,749 --> 01:07:35,085 You do not know what homeless poverty is, 1302 01:07:35,085 --> 01:07:37,921 and God in his love and mercy will take care 1303 01:07:37,921 --> 01:07:38,856 that you never do. 1304 01:07:52,336 --> 01:07:55,138 - How much is 100 euros exactly? 1305 01:07:58,542 --> 01:08:01,278 - At the rate of exchange contemplated by my mother, 1306 01:08:01,278 --> 01:08:03,380 about $110. 1307 01:08:05,849 --> 01:08:06,683 - Hand it over! 1308 01:08:10,754 --> 01:08:12,923 - Unfortunately, my mother didn't provide 1309 01:08:12,923 --> 01:08:15,058 for this contingency. 1310 01:08:16,193 --> 01:08:18,896 I do not have $110. 1311 01:08:18,896 --> 01:08:21,665 I will have to borrow it from you. 1312 01:08:26,603 --> 01:08:27,938 - I haven't a dollar on me. 1313 01:08:29,506 --> 01:08:32,743 No matter, I will borrow it from my chauffeur. 1314 01:08:34,077 --> 01:08:38,715 He will write you a check for $10,000 on my account, 1315 01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:40,918 if you dare ask him. 1316 01:08:45,088 --> 01:08:46,523 Goodbye for six months. 1317 01:08:46,523 --> 01:08:50,193 (instrumental variation of "Mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix") 1318 01:09:03,273 --> 01:09:05,676 (The Billionaire Theme) 1319 01:09:12,582 --> 01:09:13,517 - Hey, what... 1320 01:09:15,752 --> 01:09:17,387 What do you want? 1321 01:09:17,387 --> 01:09:18,622 What are you doin' here? 1322 01:09:18,622 --> 01:09:20,257 - I want employment. 1323 01:09:20,257 --> 01:09:22,526 A man told me I should find it here. 1324 01:09:22,526 --> 01:09:23,927 I am destitute. 1325 01:09:23,927 --> 01:09:26,630 - That is not the way to get employment, 1326 01:09:26,630 --> 01:09:29,466 sticking your nose into places that don't concern you. 1327 01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:30,300 Get out. 1328 01:09:31,468 --> 01:09:33,971 There's no one workin' here besides my wife and I. 1329 01:09:34,905 --> 01:09:36,907 - You lie! 1330 01:09:36,907 --> 01:09:40,310 There are four women and two young men working in there. 1331 01:09:40,310 --> 01:09:41,812 Who employs them? 1332 01:09:41,812 --> 01:09:44,881 - Is that the way you talk to me? 1333 01:09:44,881 --> 01:09:46,950 You think a lot of yourself, don't you? 1334 01:09:46,950 --> 01:09:48,385 Just what do you take me for? 1335 01:09:48,385 --> 01:09:49,586 - A worm! 1336 01:09:49,586 --> 01:09:52,155 - Take care, Joe. 1337 01:09:52,155 --> 01:09:53,523 He's an inspector. 1338 01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:54,658 Look at his shoes! 1339 01:09:56,526 --> 01:09:58,261 - I am not an inspector, 1340 01:09:58,261 --> 01:10:01,098 and what is the matter with my shoes? 1341 01:10:01,098 --> 01:10:04,935 - Well, sir, could a young man looking for minimum wage work 1342 01:10:04,935 --> 01:10:06,570 afford shoes like those? 1343 01:10:08,405 --> 01:10:11,842 I assure you, we don't employ anyone here. 1344 01:10:11,842 --> 01:10:13,276 We're only caretakers. 1345 01:10:14,578 --> 01:10:17,147 - But I saw six people. 1346 01:10:17,147 --> 01:10:17,981 - Where? 1347 01:10:19,049 --> 01:10:20,150 Not a soul. 1348 01:10:20,150 --> 01:10:22,119 Search the whole damn basement. 1349 01:10:22,119 --> 01:10:24,221 - Joe, please! 1350 01:10:24,221 --> 01:10:26,223 Don't speak to the gentleman like that. 1351 01:10:27,257 --> 01:10:29,960 So you see, sir, not a soul. 1352 01:10:33,663 --> 01:10:34,598 - There's a smell. 1353 01:10:35,465 --> 01:10:37,667 You have given them a signal to hide. 1354 01:10:37,667 --> 01:10:39,669 You are breaking the law. 1355 01:10:39,669 --> 01:10:43,673 Give me some work or I will call an inspector right away! 1356 01:10:43,673 --> 01:10:45,842 - Look here, mister. 1357 01:10:45,842 --> 01:10:47,477 Can't we arrange this? 1358 01:10:47,477 --> 01:10:49,446 What good does it do you to get me into trouble 1359 01:10:49,446 --> 01:10:51,915 and to shut up my little shop? 1360 01:10:51,915 --> 01:10:54,551 - What good will it do me to say nothing? 1361 01:10:54,551 --> 01:10:57,954 - Well, what about $100 a week? 1362 01:10:57,954 --> 01:11:00,223 - I cannot live on $100 a week! 1363 01:11:01,191 --> 01:11:02,959 - You can if you look around a bit. 1364 01:11:03,894 --> 01:11:05,462 There are others, you know. 1365 01:11:05,462 --> 01:11:07,497 - Give me the address of the others. 1366 01:11:07,497 --> 01:11:09,366 If I am to live by blackmail, 1367 01:11:09,366 --> 01:11:11,902 I must have an extended practice. 1368 01:11:11,902 --> 01:11:13,603 - Well, if I have to pay, 1369 01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:15,739 I don't see why the others shouldn't too. 1370 01:11:15,739 --> 01:11:17,841 So will you take 100? 1371 01:11:18,842 --> 01:11:21,745 Look here. 1372 01:11:21,745 --> 01:11:23,146 Look at it. 1373 01:11:23,146 --> 01:11:24,147 (bill crinkles) 1374 01:11:24,147 --> 01:11:24,981 Listen to it. 1375 01:11:26,817 --> 01:11:31,688 It's yours, and another hundred every Wednesday, 1376 01:11:31,688 --> 01:11:34,157 if you keep the inspector off me. 1377 01:11:35,358 --> 01:11:38,662 - It's no use waving a $100 bill in my face, 1378 01:11:38,662 --> 01:11:40,997 I am accustomed to them. 1379 01:11:40,997 --> 01:11:42,699 And I feel convinced that you will pay 1380 01:11:42,699 --> 01:11:45,535 at least 350 if I insist! 1381 01:11:45,535 --> 01:11:49,473 - Oh, please, sir, have a little feeling for us. 1382 01:11:49,473 --> 01:11:52,008 You have no idea how much we struggle to live! 1383 01:11:52,008 --> 01:11:54,177 - Here, we're not beggars. 1384 01:11:56,313 --> 01:11:59,416 I will pay you exactly what the business can afford 1385 01:11:59,416 --> 01:12:00,684 and not a dollar more. 1386 01:12:00,684 --> 01:12:03,386 You seem to know we can afford 350, 1387 01:12:03,386 --> 01:12:08,358 so you must also know that we cannot afford any more. 1388 01:12:08,391 --> 01:12:10,927 Take this 350 and be damned with you. 1389 01:12:10,927 --> 01:12:13,697 - Now, Joe, let's not get hasty. 1390 01:12:13,697 --> 01:12:14,731 - You shut up. 1391 01:12:15,460 --> 01:12:19,064 You think you can beg him down a hundred or two? You can't. 1392 01:12:19,865 --> 01:12:22,467 I can size up a tough lot without looking at his shoes. 1393 01:12:22,467 --> 01:12:25,003 He's got us, and he knows he's got us! 1394 01:12:27,139 --> 01:12:30,409 - I don't like this blackmailing business. 1395 01:12:30,409 --> 01:12:32,177 Of course, if I must, I must, 1396 01:12:32,177 --> 01:12:37,182 but...can't you give me some manual work? 1397 01:12:37,449 --> 01:12:38,951 - You want to get a little deeper 1398 01:12:38,951 --> 01:12:40,786 into our business, don't you? 1399 01:12:41,820 --> 01:12:44,189 - I am as deep as I can go already. 1400 01:12:44,189 --> 01:12:45,824 You are employing six young people in there, 1401 01:12:45,824 --> 01:12:49,628 who are no doubt making less than minimum wage! 1402 01:12:49,628 --> 01:12:51,997 Except that the sanitary arrangements 1403 01:12:51,997 --> 01:12:53,832 are probably abominable, 1404 01:12:53,832 --> 01:12:56,268 there is nothing more for me to know. 1405 01:12:56,268 --> 01:12:59,705 I have you in the hollow of my hand. 1406 01:12:59,705 --> 01:13:02,140 Give me some work to live by 1407 01:13:02,140 --> 01:13:06,211 or I will have you cleared out like a wasp's nest! 1408 01:13:06,211 --> 01:13:08,814 - I have a good mind to clear out now 1409 01:13:08,814 --> 01:13:12,918 and take up somewhere where you won't find me so easy. 1410 01:13:12,918 --> 01:13:14,519 I'm used to changing my address. 1411 01:13:16,521 --> 01:13:18,824 - That is the best card in your hand. 1412 01:13:18,824 --> 01:13:20,692 You have some business ability! 1413 01:13:21,660 --> 01:13:25,364 But tell me, why can't you give me work to live by, 1414 01:13:25,364 --> 01:13:27,266 just as you give it, I suppose, 1415 01:13:27,266 --> 01:13:30,035 to the young people I saw in there? 1416 01:13:30,035 --> 01:13:32,704 - I don't like the people I employ to know too much! 1417 01:13:33,572 --> 01:13:35,040 - I see. 1418 01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:37,409 They might call in the inspector! 1419 01:13:37,409 --> 01:13:39,711 - Call the inspector? 1420 01:13:39,711 --> 01:13:41,813 (laughing) 1421 01:13:43,215 --> 01:13:46,051 What kind of fool are you? 1422 01:13:46,051 --> 01:13:49,221 They dread the inspector more than I do. 1423 01:13:49,221 --> 01:13:50,422 - Why? 1424 01:13:50,422 --> 01:13:53,058 Don't they want to be protected? 1425 01:13:53,058 --> 01:13:54,960 - The inspector wouldn't protect them, sir, 1426 01:13:54,960 --> 01:13:56,428 he'd only shut up the place 1427 01:13:56,428 --> 01:13:58,263 and take their jobs from them. 1428 01:13:58,263 --> 01:14:00,766 If they thought that you could be so cruel 1429 01:14:00,766 --> 01:14:02,000 as to report them, 1430 01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:05,637 they'd be down on their knees to you to spare them. 1431 01:14:05,637 --> 01:14:08,240 - You that know so much ought to know 1432 01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:12,210 that a business like this can't afford luxuries. 1433 01:14:12,210 --> 01:14:14,379 It's a cheap labor business. 1434 01:14:14,379 --> 01:14:16,948 As long as I get people to work for their natural wage, 1435 01:14:16,948 --> 01:14:19,651 I can get by, but no luxuries, mind you. 1436 01:14:19,651 --> 01:14:24,089 - And just what is a person's natural wage according to you? 1437 01:14:24,089 --> 01:14:27,459 - $5.85 an hour for a 12 hour day. 1438 01:14:28,493 --> 01:14:29,328 - Slavery! 1439 01:14:29,328 --> 01:14:33,465 - Oh no, sir, nobody could call that slavery. 1440 01:14:33,465 --> 01:14:37,202 - Can a person live on $420 a week? 1441 01:14:37,202 --> 01:14:39,338 - [Joe] Of course one can. 1442 01:14:39,338 --> 01:14:40,772 What's preventing 'em? 1443 01:14:40,772 --> 01:14:43,942 - Well, I will work even for that, 1444 01:14:43,942 --> 01:14:47,412 to prove that I can work and support myself. 1445 01:14:47,412 --> 01:14:51,283 So give me work and be done talking! 1446 01:14:51,283 --> 01:14:52,918 - Who started talking? 1447 01:14:52,918 --> 01:14:53,752 You or I? 1448 01:14:55,020 --> 01:14:55,854 - I did! 1449 01:14:57,856 --> 01:15:01,693 I thank you for the information you have given me. 1450 01:15:01,693 --> 01:15:04,663 It has been instructive and to the point. 1451 01:15:05,630 --> 01:15:07,632 Is that a sufficient apology? 1452 01:15:09,167 --> 01:15:11,403 And now to work, to work. 1453 01:15:11,403 --> 01:15:13,672 I am in a hurry to get to work! 1454 01:15:14,840 --> 01:15:16,408 - What kind of work can you do? 1455 01:15:17,309 --> 01:15:19,811 - Can you use a sewing machine? 1456 01:15:19,811 --> 01:15:21,713 Can you make a buttonhole? 1457 01:15:21,713 --> 01:15:23,248 - Certainly not. 1458 01:15:23,248 --> 01:15:25,250 I don't call that work. 1459 01:15:25,250 --> 01:15:28,153 - Well, what kind of work do you want? 1460 01:15:28,153 --> 01:15:30,255 - Brain work. 1461 01:15:30,255 --> 01:15:31,656 - [Joe] (laughs) He's crazy! 1462 01:15:33,125 --> 01:15:34,192 - Your work. 1463 01:15:34,192 --> 01:15:37,295 Managing work, planning work, driving work. 1464 01:15:38,630 --> 01:15:40,565 Let me see what you make there. 1465 01:15:40,565 --> 01:15:42,067 Tell me how you dispose of it. 1466 01:15:43,201 --> 01:15:47,205 - The man in the truck comes and takes them away. 1467 01:15:47,205 --> 01:15:48,907 - Does he pay you for them? 1468 01:15:48,907 --> 01:15:49,708 - No. 1469 01:15:49,708 --> 01:15:51,510 He gives us a receipt. 1470 01:15:51,510 --> 01:15:53,779 Mr. Superflew pays us for the receipts 1471 01:15:53,779 --> 01:15:55,013 at the end of the week. 1472 01:15:55,914 --> 01:15:58,550 - And what does Mr. Superflew do with the coats? 1473 01:15:58,550 --> 01:16:00,685 - He takes them to the wholesaler 1474 01:16:00,685 --> 01:16:03,088 who supplies the cloth for him. 1475 01:16:03,088 --> 01:16:04,790 The truck brings us the cloth 1476 01:16:04,790 --> 01:16:06,425 when it picks up the finished clothes. 1477 01:16:06,425 --> 01:16:10,061 - Why don't you deal directly with the wholesalers? 1478 01:16:10,061 --> 01:16:11,963 - Oh, no, that wouldn't be right. 1479 01:16:11,963 --> 01:16:16,034 We don't know who they are and Mr. Superflew does. 1480 01:16:16,034 --> 01:16:17,769 Besides, we can't afford a truck! 1481 01:16:17,769 --> 01:16:21,440 Not even an old, weathered truck like that one. 1482 01:16:21,440 --> 01:16:24,042 - [Victor] And does Mr. Superflew own the truck? 1483 01:16:24,042 --> 01:16:26,178 - No, that wouldn't be right. 1484 01:16:26,178 --> 01:16:29,848 He hires it out by the hour from Bolton's. 1485 01:16:29,848 --> 01:16:33,318 - And is the driver always the same man? 1486 01:16:33,318 --> 01:16:36,087 - Yes, always old Tim Goodman. 1487 01:16:38,723 --> 01:16:41,426 - Write those names down for me. 1488 01:16:41,426 --> 01:16:44,729 Bolton's, Superflew, Goodman. 1489 01:16:46,565 --> 01:16:48,099 - Look here. 1490 01:16:48,099 --> 01:16:50,202 I'm not your secretary, you know. 1491 01:16:50,202 --> 01:16:51,203 - You will be, soon. 1492 01:16:52,103 --> 01:16:52,938 Do as I tell you. 1493 01:16:54,706 --> 01:16:56,174 - Well, of all the nerve! 1494 01:16:56,174 --> 01:17:00,278 - Now, when Goodman comes round next, 1495 01:17:00,278 --> 01:17:04,416 tell him to tell Bolton's that he has found somebody 1496 01:17:04,416 --> 01:17:07,752 who will buy the truck for $1,500. 1497 01:17:08,787 --> 01:17:11,256 Tell him that if he can induce Bolton's 1498 01:17:11,256 --> 01:17:13,191 to part from it at that figure, 1499 01:17:13,191 --> 01:17:15,994 you will give him $200 for himself 1500 01:17:15,994 --> 01:17:19,664 and engage him at $100 advance on his present wages 1501 01:17:19,664 --> 01:17:23,802 to drive just the same old round to the same places. 1502 01:17:23,802 --> 01:17:25,637 He knows the wholesalers. 1503 01:17:27,873 --> 01:17:32,477 Mr. Superflew (laughs) is superfluous! 1504 01:17:33,378 --> 01:17:36,147 We shall collect not only our own stuff, 1505 01:17:36,147 --> 01:17:39,451 but that of all the other sweatshops. 1506 01:17:39,451 --> 01:17:40,785 - Sweatshops! 1507 01:17:40,785 --> 01:17:43,455 Who are you calling sweatshops? 1508 01:17:43,455 --> 01:17:46,424 - Man, know thyself! 1509 01:17:46,424 --> 01:17:49,628 You sweat yourself, you sweat your poor wife, 1510 01:17:49,628 --> 01:17:51,696 you sweat those poor young people in there, 1511 01:17:51,696 --> 01:17:54,099 you live on sweat. 1512 01:17:54,099 --> 01:17:56,001 - That's no way to talk about it. 1513 01:17:56,001 --> 01:17:56,935 It isn't right. 1514 01:17:57,936 --> 01:18:02,073 I pay the right wages, same as everybody else pays. 1515 01:18:02,073 --> 01:18:04,976 And I give employment to the likes of them 1516 01:18:04,976 --> 01:18:06,745 that couldn't make it themselves! 1517 01:18:06,745 --> 01:18:09,180 - You are sensitive about it. 1518 01:18:09,180 --> 01:18:10,982 I am not. 1519 01:18:10,982 --> 01:18:14,719 I am going to sweat Mr. Superflew out of existence! 1520 01:18:15,687 --> 01:18:18,189 I am going to sweat Mr. Timothy Goodman 1521 01:18:18,189 --> 01:18:20,659 instead of allowing Mr. Superflew to sweat him. 1522 01:18:21,726 --> 01:18:22,694 - Look here. 1523 01:18:22,694 --> 01:18:25,697 Does this business belong to me or to you? 1524 01:18:27,465 --> 01:18:28,266 - We shall see. 1525 01:18:30,001 --> 01:18:32,103 Dare you buy the truck? 1526 01:18:32,103 --> 01:18:34,072 - Where's the money to come from? 1527 01:18:34,072 --> 01:18:36,041 - Where does all the money come from? 1528 01:18:36,041 --> 01:18:37,375 From the bank! 1529 01:18:38,910 --> 01:18:42,314 - (laughs) You got to put it there first, haven't you? 1530 01:18:42,314 --> 01:18:44,215 - Not in the least. 1531 01:18:44,215 --> 01:18:47,652 Other people put it there and the bank lends it to you 1532 01:18:47,652 --> 01:18:51,189 if it thinks you know how to extend your business. 1533 01:18:51,189 --> 01:18:55,660 - Oh, Joe, don't trust your money in a bank. 1534 01:18:55,660 --> 01:18:58,263 No good has come out of banks for the likes of us. 1535 01:18:58,263 --> 01:18:59,798 Don't let him tempt you! 1536 01:19:00,966 --> 01:19:03,668 - When had you last a holiday, my dear? 1537 01:19:03,668 --> 01:19:05,437 - Me, a holiday? 1538 01:19:07,305 --> 01:19:09,140 I can't afford a holiday! 1539 01:19:09,140 --> 01:19:12,143 I had one when my brother brought his little daughter 1540 01:19:12,143 --> 01:19:14,379 to New York, 10 years ago. 1541 01:19:15,647 --> 01:19:17,716 - Then it required your brother to impregnate a woman 1542 01:19:17,716 --> 01:19:22,320 to give you one holiday in your entire adult life! 1543 01:19:22,320 --> 01:19:24,756 I can do better for you than that. 1544 01:19:24,756 --> 01:19:27,258 - We don't understand that sort of talk here. 1545 01:19:28,660 --> 01:19:30,895 We have no time for it. 1546 01:19:30,895 --> 01:19:35,667 Please, take our little present, and go away. 1547 01:19:36,835 --> 01:19:37,802 (horn honks) 1548 01:19:37,802 --> 01:19:39,838 - That's Tim, for the clothes. 1549 01:19:39,838 --> 01:19:41,539 - Sit down. 1550 01:19:41,539 --> 01:19:42,741 I will deal with Tim. 1551 01:19:51,549 --> 01:19:54,619 - Don't listen to him, Joe. 1552 01:19:54,619 --> 01:19:56,621 Don't let him meddle with our lives. 1553 01:20:02,527 --> 01:20:05,897 - Listen, mister, let's have an understanding. 1554 01:20:05,897 --> 01:20:07,932 - No understanding is necessary. 1555 01:20:07,932 --> 01:20:12,137 Tim is sure that Bolton's will take 1,250 for the truck. 1556 01:20:12,137 --> 01:20:12,971 (Joe's wife crying) 1557 01:20:12,971 --> 01:20:14,739 Tim is my devoted slave. 1558 01:20:16,641 --> 01:20:19,978 Oh, do stop that poor woman from howling if you can. 1559 01:20:23,048 --> 01:20:24,416 I'm going now. 1560 01:20:24,416 --> 01:20:26,584 There is not enough work here for me. 1561 01:20:26,584 --> 01:20:29,654 I can do it all in half a day every week! 1562 01:20:29,654 --> 01:20:32,090 I will take a job washing dishes at a hotel 1563 01:20:32,090 --> 01:20:34,225 to fill up my time. 1564 01:20:34,225 --> 01:20:38,063 But first, I must go round to the address Tim has given me 1565 01:20:38,063 --> 01:20:40,665 and arrange that we send them our stuff direct, 1566 01:20:40,665 --> 01:20:43,601 and then collect, just as Superflew did. 1567 01:20:43,601 --> 01:20:45,103 When I have arranged everything with them, 1568 01:20:45,103 --> 01:20:47,739 I will come back and arrange everything for you! 1569 01:20:48,807 --> 01:20:52,277 Meanwhile, carry on as usual. 1570 01:20:52,277 --> 01:20:53,111 Good day. 1571 01:20:56,581 --> 01:20:58,383 - It's like a sort of dream to me. 1572 01:20:59,684 --> 01:21:01,786 I don't know what to do. 1573 01:21:02,721 --> 01:21:04,355 - Do what he says, Joe. 1574 01:21:06,524 --> 01:21:07,525 We're like children. 1575 01:21:10,028 --> 01:21:12,030 - Isn't this a dream, Hector? 1576 01:21:12,030 --> 01:21:13,798 - It's lovely, darling. 1577 01:21:13,798 --> 01:21:15,967 - Nothing beats a fine weekend on the lake! 1578 01:21:16,835 --> 01:21:18,036 - Good afternoon, gentlemen. 1579 01:21:18,036 --> 01:21:20,472 I hope you're finding everything here to your liking. 1580 01:21:20,472 --> 01:21:22,407 - It's the loveliest, most peaceful hotel. 1581 01:21:22,407 --> 01:21:24,476 But what have you done to the old place? 1582 01:21:24,476 --> 01:21:26,377 When I was here last, a year ago, 1583 01:21:26,377 --> 01:21:28,713 it was an old pub called 'The Sow and Whistle'? 1584 01:21:28,713 --> 01:21:31,116 - Oh, it was so until quite lately, sir. 1585 01:21:31,116 --> 01:21:32,851 My parents kept the old sow, right back 1586 01:21:32,851 --> 01:21:35,386 to the days of Rudolph Valentino. 1587 01:21:35,386 --> 01:21:38,823 Our old guestbook is filled with numerous signatures 1588 01:21:38,823 --> 01:21:41,025 of stars throughout the decades! 1589 01:21:41,025 --> 01:21:44,963 Everyone from Joan Crawford to Audrey Hepburn. 1590 01:21:44,963 --> 01:21:48,600 But it was on its last legs when you saw it, sir. 1591 01:21:48,600 --> 01:21:51,636 - Well, you have made a first rate job of it now. 1592 01:21:51,636 --> 01:21:52,804 - Oh, it wasn't my doing, sir. 1593 01:21:52,804 --> 01:21:54,205 I'm only the Manager. 1594 01:21:54,205 --> 01:21:56,908 You'd hardly believe it if I were to tell you the story. 1595 01:21:56,908 --> 01:21:58,276 - Well, fire ahead, my dear! 1596 01:21:59,377 --> 01:22:01,179 - One day a boy came in here, 1597 01:22:01,179 --> 01:22:03,715 looking for a job washing dishes. 1598 01:22:03,715 --> 01:22:05,683 My poor old father hadn't the nerve to turn him down, 1599 01:22:05,683 --> 01:22:09,020 so he said that he might just try him for a day or two. 1600 01:22:09,020 --> 01:22:13,725 So the boy washed two dishes and he broke six. 1601 01:22:13,725 --> 01:22:16,294 My mother was furious. 1602 01:22:16,294 --> 01:22:17,962 She said since the boy had broken them, 1603 01:22:17,962 --> 01:22:19,430 he should have to pay for them 1604 01:22:19,430 --> 01:22:22,033 even if he had to have the price taken out of his wages. 1605 01:22:22,033 --> 01:22:24,769 So off went the boy and he came back with a load of crockery 1606 01:22:24,769 --> 01:22:26,704 that made my mother cry. 1607 01:22:26,704 --> 01:22:28,373 She said that we'd be the laughing stock 1608 01:22:28,373 --> 01:22:31,676 of the state of New York if we served a meal on such things. 1609 01:22:31,676 --> 01:22:36,080 But the very next day, a European lady came back 1610 01:22:36,080 --> 01:22:37,549 and bought them right off the table 1611 01:22:37,549 --> 01:22:39,717 for three times the actual value. 1612 01:22:39,717 --> 01:22:42,053 My mother never dared say another word to him. 1613 01:22:42,053 --> 01:22:44,789 That boy took things into his own hands 1614 01:22:44,789 --> 01:22:47,759 in a way that we could have never done. 1615 01:22:47,759 --> 01:22:52,430 It was cruel, but it was the truth. 1616 01:22:52,430 --> 01:22:54,132 - What's cruel about getting nice crockery? 1617 01:22:54,132 --> 01:22:56,434 - Oh, it wasn't only that, sir. 1618 01:22:56,434 --> 01:22:59,103 But what was wrong with the old Sow and Whistle was 1619 01:22:59,103 --> 01:23:02,373 not the thick old plate that took away your appetite away. 1620 01:23:02,373 --> 01:23:04,309 It was the people that it had gathered 1621 01:23:04,309 --> 01:23:08,947 who had never been up to much by modern standards. 1622 01:23:08,947 --> 01:23:11,583 The boy told them the truth about themselves 1623 01:23:11,583 --> 01:23:14,085 and I couldn't deny it! 1624 01:23:14,085 --> 01:23:16,287 My father was at his wits' end trying 1625 01:23:16,287 --> 01:23:17,822 to pay off the mortgage. 1626 01:23:17,822 --> 01:23:19,457 And the next thing we knew, 1627 01:23:19,457 --> 01:23:21,492 the boy paid off the mortgage, 1628 01:23:21,492 --> 01:23:23,728 and got the banks off us completely. 1629 01:23:25,096 --> 01:23:26,865 "It's time for you two to sell and retire... 1630 01:23:26,865 --> 01:23:28,933 ...you're doing no good here!" he had said. 1631 01:23:30,034 --> 01:23:32,337 - That's dreadful, to root them out like that. 1632 01:23:32,337 --> 01:23:34,939 - It was hard, but he was right. 1633 01:23:34,939 --> 01:23:38,843 Here I was, ashamed of the place, with no prospects. 1634 01:23:38,843 --> 01:23:43,748 And now here I am - with a salary and a percentage 1635 01:23:43,748 --> 01:23:46,084 more than anything I could have ever dreamt of! 1636 01:23:47,118 --> 01:23:49,020 - Then he didn't chuck you, my dear. 1637 01:23:49,020 --> 01:23:50,154 - No, sir. 1638 01:23:50,154 --> 01:23:51,856 You see, I was intelligent enough to know 1639 01:23:51,856 --> 01:23:54,292 that the boy was always right. 1640 01:23:54,292 --> 01:23:57,061 I backed him up 100%! 1641 01:23:57,061 --> 01:23:58,897 Everything that that boy touches, 1642 01:23:58,897 --> 01:24:02,500 it just, it turns into gold every single time. 1643 01:24:03,368 --> 01:24:06,604 A wonderful young man, one day washing dishes, 1644 01:24:06,604 --> 01:24:09,240 and the next an owner of a first class hotel! 1645 01:24:10,408 --> 01:24:12,410 - And are your folks happy and satisfied? 1646 01:24:13,544 --> 01:24:17,415 - Well, they have all the comfort that they need. 1647 01:24:17,415 --> 01:24:19,884 And it was the best thing for them. 1648 01:24:19,884 --> 01:24:20,718 Business is business 1649 01:24:20,718 --> 01:24:22,820 and there's no room for sentiment in it! 1650 01:24:22,820 --> 01:24:25,223 - Well, that is a very moving story, 1651 01:24:26,324 --> 01:24:27,926 more so than you think, my dear, 1652 01:24:27,926 --> 01:24:30,194 because I happen to know a man by that stamp. 1653 01:24:31,362 --> 01:24:33,798 Oh, by the way, I asked a friend of mine to come 1654 01:24:33,798 --> 01:24:36,200 and join us for the weekend - a Mr. Sagamore. 1655 01:24:37,201 --> 01:24:38,736 You can find a room for him, I suppose? 1656 01:24:38,736 --> 01:24:41,539 - That will be quite alright, sir, thank you. 1657 01:24:41,539 --> 01:24:44,075 - Are there many guests staying at the hotel this weekend? 1658 01:24:44,075 --> 01:24:44,976 - Less than usual, sir. 1659 01:24:44,976 --> 01:24:48,046 We have a doctor who takes his meals here - 1660 01:24:48,046 --> 01:24:50,315 very quiet, not a word to anyone. 1661 01:24:50,315 --> 01:24:52,216 And then we have another gentleman, an invalid, 1662 01:24:52,216 --> 01:24:54,385 who was just discharged from the hospital. 1663 01:24:54,385 --> 01:24:56,154 The doctor recommended our chef here, 1664 01:24:56,154 --> 01:24:58,723 so he takes his meals here as well. 1665 01:24:58,723 --> 01:25:00,925 - Well, we must put up with them, I suppose. 1666 01:25:02,000 --> 01:25:03,101 - Sir, you came up this morning 1667 01:25:03,101 --> 01:25:05,036 without signing the register. 1668 01:25:05,036 --> 01:25:05,870 I brought it up. 1669 01:25:05,870 --> 01:25:06,704 Would you be so kind? 1670 01:25:06,704 --> 01:25:07,572 - Of course, I forgot. 1671 01:25:15,213 --> 01:25:16,014 There you are. 1672 01:25:16,014 --> 01:25:16,881 - Thank you very much, sir. 1673 01:25:18,783 --> 01:25:19,851 Oh, indeed, sir! 1674 01:25:19,851 --> 01:25:20,852 We are honored. 1675 01:25:20,852 --> 01:25:21,686 - Anything wrong? 1676 01:25:21,686 --> 01:25:24,288 - The proprietor of this hotel was once married 1677 01:25:24,288 --> 01:25:25,456 to a Mr. Fitzfassenden. 1678 01:25:25,456 --> 01:25:26,958 - What? 1679 01:25:26,958 --> 01:25:28,126 Get me out of here. 1680 01:25:28,126 --> 01:25:28,960 Pack up, Hector! 1681 01:25:28,960 --> 01:25:30,328 My bill, please, instantly! 1682 01:25:30,328 --> 01:25:31,162 - Certainly, sir. 1683 01:25:31,162 --> 01:25:33,097 But may I say that he's not on the premises, 1684 01:25:33,097 --> 01:25:35,199 and I do not expect him this weekend? 1685 01:25:35,199 --> 01:25:37,035 - Don't fuss, darling. 1686 01:25:37,035 --> 01:25:38,302 We certainly have a right to be here 1687 01:25:38,302 --> 01:25:39,303 just as much as anyone else, 1688 01:25:39,303 --> 01:25:41,472 if we pay our way. Come on. Please! 1689 01:25:41,472 --> 01:25:43,741 - Very well, very well. 1690 01:25:43,741 --> 01:25:44,642 Have it your way. 1691 01:25:46,044 --> 01:25:47,745 But my weekend is spoilt! 1692 01:25:47,745 --> 01:25:48,746 - He won't be here, sir. 1693 01:25:48,746 --> 01:25:51,115 He's getting tired of paying us unexpected visits 1694 01:25:51,115 --> 01:25:53,184 now that he knows that he can count on me. 1695 01:25:56,154 --> 01:25:57,422 Your friend Mr. Sagamore, sir, 1696 01:25:57,422 --> 01:25:59,424 coming up with the invalid gentleman. 1697 01:26:10,468 --> 01:26:12,036 - Alex! 1698 01:26:12,036 --> 01:26:13,971 Mr. Rodriguez. 1699 01:26:13,971 --> 01:26:17,408 What does this mean, Sagamore? 1700 01:26:17,408 --> 01:26:19,710 You never told me who you were bringing me to see, 1701 01:26:19,710 --> 01:26:22,313 you said two friends. 1702 01:26:22,313 --> 01:26:23,681 - What has happened to you, man? 1703 01:26:23,681 --> 01:26:26,017 What have you done to yourself? 1704 01:26:26,017 --> 01:26:29,287 - Everybody asks what I have done to myself. 1705 01:26:29,287 --> 01:26:32,523 I haven't done anything to myself. 1706 01:26:32,523 --> 01:26:36,227 I suppose you mean this and this? 1707 01:26:36,227 --> 01:26:40,465 Well, they are what your husband has done to me. 1708 01:26:40,465 --> 01:26:43,234 - Wow, I'm awfully sorry, man. 1709 01:26:43,234 --> 01:26:44,869 - Oh, you're really kind, 1710 01:26:44,869 --> 01:26:47,271 but I can't accept the privilege of a friend 1711 01:26:47,271 --> 01:26:49,207 and at the same time be a plaintiff 1712 01:26:49,207 --> 01:26:51,275 in an action for assault and battery! 1713 01:26:51,275 --> 01:26:52,443 - Yes, you can, bro. 1714 01:26:52,443 --> 01:26:53,711 The situation isn't new. 1715 01:26:53,711 --> 01:26:55,713 The victims are always coming to us for sympathy. 1716 01:26:55,713 --> 01:26:56,981 Make yourself comfortable. 1717 01:27:02,253 --> 01:27:03,754 - Well, the truth of the matter is 1718 01:27:03,754 --> 01:27:05,790 that Mr. Blenderbland won't be reasonable, 1719 01:27:05,790 --> 01:27:06,958 and I was hoping you two might help me 1720 01:27:06,958 --> 01:27:08,359 bring him to his senses. 1721 01:27:08,359 --> 01:27:10,161 - It's no use, Sagamore. 1722 01:27:10,161 --> 01:27:12,964 2.5 million. 1723 01:27:12,964 --> 01:27:14,098 And costs. 1724 01:27:14,098 --> 01:27:15,533 Not a dollar less. 1725 01:27:15,533 --> 01:27:16,868 - Too much! 1726 01:27:16,868 --> 01:27:18,469 Ridiculous. 1727 01:27:18,469 --> 01:27:19,871 A jury might give 500,000 1728 01:27:19,871 --> 01:27:21,506 if there were a clear disablement from earning, 1729 01:27:21,506 --> 01:27:23,941 or if the defendant had attacked you with a weapon. 1730 01:27:23,941 --> 01:27:25,443 But you are only a sleeping member 1731 01:27:25,443 --> 01:27:27,378 in the firm your father founded. 1732 01:27:27,378 --> 01:27:29,480 You don't really earn your money. 1733 01:27:29,480 --> 01:27:32,216 Besides, hang it all. 1734 01:27:32,216 --> 01:27:35,953 Mr. di Parerga is a very dramatic young man, to be sure, 1735 01:27:35,953 --> 01:27:37,588 but he's not a cruel person, 1736 01:27:37,588 --> 01:27:38,923 and I don't think you can persuade any jury 1737 01:27:38,923 --> 01:27:41,125 that he injured you in cold blood. 1738 01:27:41,125 --> 01:27:43,828 - Why didn't you give him a punch in the solar plexus? 1739 01:27:45,129 --> 01:27:47,598 - Physically harm someone? 1740 01:27:47,598 --> 01:27:48,366 Impossible. 1741 01:27:48,366 --> 01:27:49,534 - Bullshit! 1742 01:27:49,534 --> 01:27:50,535 If a man becomes violent, 1743 01:27:50,535 --> 01:27:52,436 he must take what he gets and deserves. 1744 01:27:52,436 --> 01:27:55,940 - Well, unfortunately I have neither your skill 1745 01:27:55,940 --> 01:27:58,676 nor your knowledge of how to punch. 1746 01:27:58,676 --> 01:28:01,212 But I will take lessons when I am well. 1747 01:28:01,212 --> 01:28:03,381 And he will pay for them. 1748 01:28:03,381 --> 01:28:07,151 2,500,000! 1749 01:28:07,151 --> 01:28:09,487 And medical expenses! 1750 01:28:09,487 --> 01:28:10,721 And costs! 1751 01:28:10,721 --> 01:28:13,024 - And cab fare to the hospital, I suppose. 1752 01:28:13,024 --> 01:28:16,294 - No, I went in his own car. 1753 01:28:16,294 --> 01:28:20,198 But now you remind me, I did tip the chauffeur. 1754 01:28:20,198 --> 01:28:22,066 Now don't misunderstand me. 1755 01:28:22,066 --> 01:28:25,503 It's not the money, but I won't be beaten by a rich man. 1756 01:28:25,503 --> 01:28:28,839 It's a point of honor, of self-respect! 1757 01:28:30,308 --> 01:28:35,313 It was a brutal, unprovoked, cowardly assault. 1758 01:28:35,446 --> 01:28:38,049 - Was it quite unprovoked? 1759 01:28:40,551 --> 01:28:41,385 - I'm extremely sorry, sir, 1760 01:28:41,385 --> 01:28:42,587 but my proprietor is here with the doctor. 1761 01:28:42,587 --> 01:28:44,355 I really did not expect him. 1762 01:28:49,660 --> 01:28:50,695 - You have allowed my husband 1763 01:28:50,695 --> 01:28:53,931 to bring another man to my hotel and enjoy themselves here. 1764 01:28:53,931 --> 01:28:54,832 You are fired! 1765 01:28:54,832 --> 01:28:56,367 - [Manager] I am so sorry, sir, but I didn't know 1766 01:28:56,367 --> 01:28:57,969 that this gentleman was your husband. 1767 01:28:57,969 --> 01:28:59,604 But you're always right. 1768 01:28:59,604 --> 01:29:01,639 Do you wish me to go at once or carry on 1769 01:29:01,639 --> 01:29:03,507 until you find someone to replace me? 1770 01:29:05,376 --> 01:29:08,913 - I do not wish you to go at all, you are re-engaged. 1771 01:29:08,913 --> 01:29:11,148 Throw them both out, instantly! 1772 01:29:11,148 --> 01:29:11,983 (laughs) 1773 01:29:11,983 --> 01:29:13,217 - Your manager cannot throw Alexander out. 1774 01:29:13,217 --> 01:29:15,620 He could throw us all out, if it came to that. 1775 01:29:15,620 --> 01:29:18,389 And as for Mr. Rodriguez, this is a licensed house 1776 01:29:18,389 --> 01:29:21,359 and he has as much right to be here as you or I. 1777 01:29:21,359 --> 01:29:23,928 - I will set the hotel on fire if necessary! 1778 01:29:27,365 --> 01:29:28,733 Hello. 1779 01:29:28,733 --> 01:29:30,167 What is this? 1780 01:29:30,167 --> 01:29:32,103 Adrian here too? 1781 01:29:32,103 --> 01:29:34,138 What has happened to you? 1782 01:29:34,138 --> 01:29:35,506 What are those sticks for? 1783 01:29:36,507 --> 01:29:38,142 Send the doctor here at once. 1784 01:29:40,611 --> 01:29:42,179 Did you hurt yourself? 1785 01:29:43,814 --> 01:29:45,216 - Hurt myself? 1786 01:29:45,216 --> 01:29:46,217 Hurt myself? 1787 01:29:47,585 --> 01:29:49,253 - Has he been run over? 1788 01:29:50,354 --> 01:29:51,789 - This man has half killed me, 1789 01:29:51,789 --> 01:29:54,458 and he asks if I have hurt myself. 1790 01:29:54,458 --> 01:29:58,663 I fell down that whole flight of stairs. 1791 01:29:58,663 --> 01:29:59,997 My ankle was sprained. 1792 01:29:59,997 --> 01:30:00,998 My knee was twisted. 1793 01:30:00,998 --> 01:30:02,733 The small bone in my leg was broken. 1794 01:30:02,733 --> 01:30:05,569 I ricked my spine. 1795 01:30:05,569 --> 01:30:08,906 - But why didn't you walk downstairs properly? 1796 01:30:08,906 --> 01:30:09,907 Were you drunk? 1797 01:30:09,907 --> 01:30:10,741 - I- 1798 01:30:10,741 --> 01:30:12,843 - He declares that his injuries were inflicted by you 1799 01:30:12,843 --> 01:30:14,645 when you last met, Mr. di Parerga. 1800 01:30:14,645 --> 01:30:15,680 - By me? 1801 01:30:16,681 --> 01:30:17,948 Am I a prizefighter? 1802 01:30:17,948 --> 01:30:19,884 Am I a coal-heaver? 1803 01:30:19,884 --> 01:30:20,718 - Both. 1804 01:30:20,718 --> 01:30:22,253 - Do you deny that you assaulted him? 1805 01:30:22,253 --> 01:30:24,088 - Of course I deny it. 1806 01:30:24,088 --> 01:30:26,223 Anything more monstrous I never heard. 1807 01:30:27,458 --> 01:30:30,961 What happened was that he insulted my father grossly, 1808 01:30:30,961 --> 01:30:33,097 without the slightest provocation, 1809 01:30:33,097 --> 01:30:35,433 at a moment when I had every reason 1810 01:30:35,433 --> 01:30:38,903 to expect the utmost tenderness from him. 1811 01:30:38,903 --> 01:30:42,440 - I am not going to be talked out of my case. 1812 01:30:42,440 --> 01:30:44,175 - What do you mean by your case? 1813 01:30:45,609 --> 01:30:47,445 - He has a case action against you. 1814 01:30:47,445 --> 01:30:48,279 - An action? 1815 01:30:49,413 --> 01:30:53,217 Very well, you know my invariable rule. 1816 01:30:53,217 --> 01:30:55,953 Fight him to the last ditch, no matter what it costs. 1817 01:30:55,953 --> 01:30:57,955 Take him to the Supreme Court if necessary! 1818 01:30:59,323 --> 01:31:03,160 We shall see whose wallet will hold out the longest. 1819 01:31:03,160 --> 01:31:06,030 I will not be blackmailed! 1820 01:31:06,030 --> 01:31:10,868 - Do you think your father's money places you above the law? 1821 01:31:10,868 --> 01:31:12,303 - Again! 1822 01:31:12,303 --> 01:31:14,672 - No, no, no, no, we'll have none of that. 1823 01:31:14,672 --> 01:31:16,540 Toko, my boy, toko. 1824 01:31:16,540 --> 01:31:17,541 - [Julius] Toko? 1825 01:31:17,541 --> 01:31:18,542 What is toko? 1826 01:31:18,542 --> 01:31:19,877 - He knows. 1827 01:31:19,877 --> 01:31:22,880 Toko is an infallible medicine for calming the nerves. 1828 01:31:23,781 --> 01:31:25,983 A punch in the solar plexus and a day in bed, that's toko. 1829 01:31:25,983 --> 01:31:29,186 - Okay, why don't we all step outside, 1830 01:31:29,186 --> 01:31:30,688 get a breath of fresh air? 1831 01:31:30,688 --> 01:31:32,022 - Yes, go on. 1832 01:31:32,022 --> 01:31:35,326 Insult me, threaten me, blackmail me. 1833 01:31:35,326 --> 01:31:37,328 You can all do it with impunity now. 1834 01:31:37,328 --> 01:31:40,131 - Don't take it that way, Mr. di Parerga. 1835 01:31:40,131 --> 01:31:42,867 There is no question of insulting or blackmailing you. 1836 01:31:42,867 --> 01:31:43,734 I just want to settle this business 1837 01:31:43,734 --> 01:31:45,836 of Mr. Blenderbland's injuries before I move on 1838 01:31:45,836 --> 01:31:47,838 to the matrimonial question. 1839 01:31:47,838 --> 01:31:50,207 - I want to hear no more of Mr. Blenderbland 1840 01:31:50,207 --> 01:31:52,743 and his ridiculous injuries! 1841 01:31:52,743 --> 01:31:55,112 - Be reasonable, Mr. di Parerga. 1842 01:31:55,112 --> 01:31:57,782 How do I address the compensation due Mr. Blenderbland 1843 01:31:57,782 --> 01:32:00,284 if we don't mention his injuries? 1844 01:32:00,284 --> 01:32:03,854 - There is no compensation due to Mr. Blenderbland. 1845 01:32:03,854 --> 01:32:06,357 He deserved what he got, whatever that was. 1846 01:32:07,358 --> 01:32:08,859 - But he will take an action against you. 1847 01:32:08,859 --> 01:32:10,795 - Take one against him first. 1848 01:32:10,795 --> 01:32:12,029 - What for? 1849 01:32:12,029 --> 01:32:14,965 - For anything, only don't bother me about it! 1850 01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:18,936 Claim $20 million damages. 1851 01:32:18,936 --> 01:32:21,872 I tell you I will not be blackmailed! 1852 01:32:21,872 --> 01:32:23,908 - Neither will I. 1853 01:32:23,908 --> 01:32:26,944 I am entitled to compensation and I will have it! 1854 01:32:26,944 --> 01:32:29,280 - Please, please, steady. 1855 01:32:30,748 --> 01:32:32,850 I cannot advise either of you to go to court... 1856 01:32:32,850 --> 01:32:35,853 but quite seriously, Mr. di Parerga, 1857 01:32:35,853 --> 01:32:39,089 Mr. Blenderbland is entitled to some compensation. 1858 01:32:39,089 --> 01:32:40,591 You can afford it. 1859 01:32:40,591 --> 01:32:41,425 - Mr. Sagamore, 1860 01:32:42,927 --> 01:32:47,031 a young man as rich as I am cannot afford anything. 1861 01:32:47,031 --> 01:32:51,068 I have to fight to keep every dollar I possess. 1862 01:32:51,068 --> 01:32:54,104 Every beggar, every blackmailer, every swindler, 1863 01:32:54,104 --> 01:32:57,441 every charity, every testimonial, every political cause, 1864 01:32:57,441 --> 01:32:59,343 every league and brotherhood and sisterhood, 1865 01:32:59,343 --> 01:33:01,378 every church and chapel, every institution 1866 01:33:01,378 --> 01:33:04,181 of every kind on earth is busy from morning to night 1867 01:33:04,181 --> 01:33:05,783 trying to bleed me to death. 1868 01:33:07,184 --> 01:33:10,654 My standing instructions to you are to defend every action 1869 01:33:10,654 --> 01:33:12,790 and to forestall every claim for damages 1870 01:33:12,790 --> 01:33:15,960 by a counterclaim for 10 times the amount. 1871 01:33:15,960 --> 01:33:19,797 That is the only way that I can write across the sky: 1872 01:33:19,797 --> 01:33:22,032 "Hands off my money!" 1873 01:33:22,032 --> 01:33:25,836 - [Julius] You see, Mr. Blenderbland, it's no use. 1874 01:33:25,836 --> 01:33:28,305 You must withdraw your threat of an action. 1875 01:33:28,305 --> 01:33:29,139 - I won't. 1876 01:33:30,574 --> 01:33:31,475 - You will. 1877 01:33:31,475 --> 01:33:35,012 Mr. di Parerga, he can do nothing against you. 1878 01:33:35,012 --> 01:33:37,815 Let me make an appeal on his behalf ad misericordiam. 1879 01:33:37,815 --> 01:33:39,316 - Oh, we are wasting time, 1880 01:33:39,316 --> 01:33:41,585 and I have more important business to settle! 1881 01:33:42,553 --> 01:33:45,589 Give him $2,000 and have done with it. 1882 01:33:45,589 --> 01:33:46,423 - $2,000? 1883 01:33:48,192 --> 01:33:49,627 - Oh, Mr. di Parerga. 1884 01:33:49,627 --> 01:33:53,163 - Yes, $2,000. 1885 01:33:53,163 --> 01:33:56,667 No man can refuse $2,000 1886 01:33:56,667 --> 01:34:00,704 when you crackle all those $100 bills under his nose. 1887 01:34:01,705 --> 01:34:03,107 - He wants 2,500,000. 1888 01:34:05,776 --> 01:34:06,877 - Two mill- 1889 01:34:06,877 --> 01:34:09,880 - Not a dollar less. 1890 01:34:12,550 --> 01:34:16,921 - Adrian, darling, I have underrated you. 1891 01:34:16,921 --> 01:34:19,156 Your cheek, your gluttony, 1892 01:34:19,156 --> 01:34:22,760 your obstinacy impose respect on me. 1893 01:34:23,894 --> 01:34:27,231 I threw a half baked gentleman downstairs, 1894 01:34:27,231 --> 01:34:29,833 and my chauffeur picked up on the mat 1895 01:34:29,833 --> 01:34:32,870 a magnificently complete skunk! 1896 01:34:32,870 --> 01:34:35,072 - Five million for that, Sagamore, do you hear? 1897 01:34:35,072 --> 01:34:36,640 - Please, please, keep your temper. 1898 01:34:36,640 --> 01:34:38,776 - Keep your own temper. 1899 01:34:38,776 --> 01:34:40,444 Has he lamed you for life? 1900 01:34:40,444 --> 01:34:42,246 Has he raised a lump on your head? 1901 01:34:42,246 --> 01:34:44,548 Has he called you a skunk? 1902 01:34:44,548 --> 01:34:46,350 - No, but he might at any moment. 1903 01:34:47,751 --> 01:34:51,255 - (laughs) My Sagamore! 1904 01:34:51,255 --> 01:34:52,189 Mio tesoro! 1905 01:34:53,090 --> 01:34:55,225 Shall I give him five million on condition 1906 01:34:55,225 --> 01:34:57,795 that he turns it into a billion in six months? 1907 01:34:57,795 --> 01:35:00,297 - I will do what I like with it. 1908 01:35:00,297 --> 01:35:03,167 I will have it unconditionally. 1909 01:35:03,167 --> 01:35:05,436 - Mr. Blenderbland, it is a mistake to go into court 1910 01:35:05,436 --> 01:35:08,739 in the character of a man who has been called a skunk. 1911 01:35:08,739 --> 01:35:11,609 It makes the jury see you in that light from the very start. 1912 01:35:13,010 --> 01:35:15,346 It is also very difficult for a plaintiff to get sympathy 1913 01:35:15,346 --> 01:35:16,847 in the character of a fully grown man 1914 01:35:16,847 --> 01:35:19,683 who has been thrashed by another fully grown man. 1915 01:35:20,684 --> 01:35:23,754 If Mr. di Parerga had stabbed you, or shot you, 1916 01:35:23,754 --> 01:35:25,990 or poisoned you, that would have been quite in order, 1917 01:35:25,990 --> 01:35:28,592 it would not have compromised your dignity. 1918 01:35:30,494 --> 01:35:32,229 But Mr. di Parerga knows better. 1919 01:35:33,397 --> 01:35:36,233 He knows the privileges of his gender and his status 1920 01:35:36,233 --> 01:35:38,736 down to a hair's breadth and never oversteps them. 1921 01:35:39,970 --> 01:35:42,473 He will come into court impeccably dressed, 1922 01:35:42,473 --> 01:35:43,474 looking his best. 1923 01:35:43,474 --> 01:35:46,744 No man is more refined and more graceful 1924 01:35:47,578 --> 01:35:49,980 when it is his cue to play the perfect gentleman. 1925 01:35:51,548 --> 01:35:54,985 Long before we can even get your case on the books, 1926 01:35:54,985 --> 01:35:57,388 that bump on your head will have subsided, 1927 01:35:57,388 --> 01:35:58,455 your broken bone will have set, 1928 01:35:58,455 --> 01:36:01,158 and the color will have come back into your cheeks. 1929 01:36:01,158 --> 01:36:03,560 So unless you can provoke Mr. di Parerga 1930 01:36:03,560 --> 01:36:05,996 to assault you again the day before the trial, 1931 01:36:05,996 --> 01:36:08,832 which he is far too clever for, 1932 01:36:08,832 --> 01:36:12,569 the chances against you are a billion to one. 1933 01:36:12,569 --> 01:36:14,071 - That's right, Blenderbland. 1934 01:36:14,071 --> 01:36:16,407 You haven't a dog's chance! 1935 01:36:16,407 --> 01:36:18,509 Next time you see his fist coming in your direction, 1936 01:36:18,509 --> 01:36:20,177 duck and counter. 1937 01:36:20,177 --> 01:36:22,780 If you don't get that satisfaction, you won't get any. 1938 01:36:22,780 --> 01:36:25,182 - Alexander's right, Mr. Blenderbland. 1939 01:36:25,182 --> 01:36:29,853 But perhaps if you ask Mr. di Parerga nicely, 1940 01:36:29,853 --> 01:36:32,189 he'll pay your expenses. 1941 01:36:33,657 --> 01:36:38,629 - Is there any justice for a regular guy against a rich man? 1942 01:36:40,698 --> 01:36:42,032 - Believe me, no. 1943 01:36:43,767 --> 01:36:45,035 Not against a billionaire. 1944 01:36:47,538 --> 01:36:50,074 - And what justice is there for a billionaire, 1945 01:36:50,074 --> 01:36:51,575 I should like to know? 1946 01:36:51,575 --> 01:36:53,010 - In courts... 1947 01:36:53,010 --> 01:36:54,778 - I am not thinking of the courts, 1948 01:36:54,778 --> 01:36:57,848 there is little justice there for anybody. 1949 01:36:57,848 --> 01:37:01,051 My $2.3 billion is in itself an injustice. 1950 01:37:03,420 --> 01:37:05,923 I speak of the Justice of Heaven! 1951 01:37:05,923 --> 01:37:07,691 - Oh, Lord, now we're in for it! 1952 01:37:08,690 --> 01:37:12,827 - Alexander, how can you jeer at me? 1953 01:37:13,795 --> 01:37:16,731 Is it just that I, because I am a billionaire, 1954 01:37:16,731 --> 01:37:19,567 cannot keep my spouse, cannot keep even a lover, 1955 01:37:19,567 --> 01:37:22,070 cannot keep anything but my money? 1956 01:37:27,308 --> 01:37:29,877 There you sit before my very eyes, 1957 01:37:29,877 --> 01:37:33,047 snuggling up to that insignificant little nothingness, 1958 01:37:33,047 --> 01:37:36,050 who cannot even afford to pay for his own thongs, 1959 01:37:36,050 --> 01:37:39,187 and you are happy and he is happy. 1960 01:37:42,290 --> 01:37:46,894 Here is this suit of clothes on two sticks. 1961 01:37:46,894 --> 01:37:49,163 What does it contain? 1962 01:37:49,163 --> 01:37:51,332 - [Adrian] Leave me alone, will you? 1963 01:37:52,233 --> 01:37:55,036 - Something that once resembled a man, 1964 01:37:55,036 --> 01:37:57,605 something that liked lending me $5 notes 1965 01:37:57,605 --> 01:38:00,241 and never asked me to repay them. 1966 01:38:00,241 --> 01:38:01,409 Why? 1967 01:38:01,409 --> 01:38:03,277 Kindness to me? 1968 01:38:03,277 --> 01:38:05,013 Love of me? 1969 01:38:05,013 --> 01:38:10,018 No, the swank of a poor man lending to a billionaire! 1970 01:38:11,486 --> 01:38:13,888 In my divine wrath, I smashed him 1971 01:38:13,888 --> 01:38:17,358 as a child smashes a disappointing toy. 1972 01:38:19,127 --> 01:38:22,964 And when he was beaten down to his real self, 1973 01:38:22,964 --> 01:38:26,367 I found I was not a potential boyfriend to him, 1974 01:38:26,367 --> 01:38:28,703 but a bank account with a good cook. 1975 01:38:30,905 --> 01:38:32,540 - That's all very fine, deary, 1976 01:38:32,540 --> 01:38:35,043 but the truth is no one can live with you. 1977 01:38:38,179 --> 01:38:40,782 - And anyone can live with you. 1978 01:38:47,355 --> 01:38:49,223 And apparently you can live with anybody. 1979 01:38:49,223 --> 01:38:50,758 - [Alexander] What Hector says is God's truth. 1980 01:38:50,758 --> 01:38:52,527 Nobody can live with you. 1981 01:38:52,527 --> 01:38:54,562 - But why, why, why? 1982 01:38:54,562 --> 01:38:56,130 - Mr. di Parerga, be reasonable. 1983 01:38:57,198 --> 01:38:59,600 Can anyone live with a tornado? 1984 01:38:59,600 --> 01:39:01,169 An avalanche, an earthquake? 1985 01:39:01,169 --> 01:39:02,570 - Yes! 1986 01:39:02,570 --> 01:39:05,473 Thousands of people live on the slopes of volcanoes, 1987 01:39:05,473 --> 01:39:07,041 in the tracks of avalanches, 1988 01:39:07,041 --> 01:39:09,977 on land thrown up only yesterday by earthquakes. 1989 01:39:12,647 --> 01:39:16,417 But with a billionaire who can rise to his destiny 1990 01:39:16,417 --> 01:39:21,289 and wield the power his money gives him, no. 1991 01:39:22,757 --> 01:39:25,026 Well, so be it. 1992 01:39:28,596 --> 01:39:32,867 I will live in utter loneliness, and keep myself sacred 1993 01:39:32,867 --> 01:39:34,869 until I find the right man! 1994 01:39:36,471 --> 01:39:38,940 A man who can stand with me on the utmost heights 1995 01:39:38,940 --> 01:39:41,342 and not lose his head. 1996 01:39:41,342 --> 01:39:44,011 The mate created for me in Heaven! 1997 01:39:45,480 --> 01:39:47,014 He must be somewhere. 1998 01:39:49,417 --> 01:39:50,251 - (The Doctor) The manager says I am wanted here. 1999 01:39:51,252 --> 01:39:52,086 Who wants me? 2000 01:39:54,288 --> 01:39:55,857 - I want you! 2001 01:39:55,857 --> 01:39:56,691 Come here. 2002 01:39:58,159 --> 01:40:00,561 - Something wrong with your blood pressure, yes? 2003 01:40:01,963 --> 01:40:04,799 Wow, I had never heard a voice like yours before, 2004 01:40:05,833 --> 01:40:07,602 and I have never felt such a pulse. 2005 01:40:09,003 --> 01:40:10,972 It is like a slow sledge hammer. 2006 01:40:10,972 --> 01:40:14,609 - Well, is my pulse my fault? 2007 01:40:14,609 --> 01:40:16,110 - No. 2008 01:40:16,110 --> 01:40:17,545 It is the will of God. 2009 01:40:17,545 --> 01:40:19,647 All our pulses are part of the will of God. 2010 01:40:20,748 --> 01:40:22,116 - Now don't be silly, Doc. 2011 01:40:22,116 --> 01:40:22,984 I don't know what things are like in Europe, 2012 01:40:22,984 --> 01:40:24,819 but anyone in America will tell you 2013 01:40:24,819 --> 01:40:27,088 that Science and God simply don't go together. 2014 01:40:27,088 --> 01:40:29,157 I can assure you that a great many of your patients 2015 01:40:29,157 --> 01:40:31,492 over here would not want to hear you talk about God at all! 2016 01:40:31,492 --> 01:40:34,829 - That does not disconcert God in the least, my friend. 2017 01:40:34,829 --> 01:40:38,166 The pulse beats still, slow, strong, 2018 01:40:40,501 --> 01:40:43,104 just as your voice rang clear, steady, and strong 2019 01:40:43,104 --> 01:40:44,572 when you sang to me that day. 2020 01:40:46,207 --> 01:40:51,112 You are a terrible man, but I loved your voice, 2021 01:40:51,112 --> 01:40:55,216 and now I must say, I love your pulse. 2022 01:40:55,216 --> 01:40:56,984 I've never felt anything like that. 2023 01:40:58,653 --> 01:40:59,754 - Well, fancy that. 2024 01:40:59,754 --> 01:41:00,821 I can understand loving someone for his voice, 2025 01:41:00,821 --> 01:41:03,658 but he actually loves him for his pulse. 2026 01:41:03,658 --> 01:41:04,892 - I am a doctor. 2027 01:41:04,892 --> 01:41:06,494 Men as you fancy them are nothing 2028 01:41:06,494 --> 01:41:07,995 but bundles of ailments to me. 2029 01:41:09,330 --> 01:41:12,867 But the life, the pulse, is the heartbeat of God. 2030 01:41:14,535 --> 01:41:17,238 A beautiful voice is the gift of God. 2031 01:41:19,006 --> 01:41:23,978 - My pulse will never change. This is the love I crave for! 2032 01:41:25,479 --> 01:41:27,481 I will marry you. 2033 01:41:31,152 --> 01:41:34,388 And I will sing to you every day, if you want me to. 2034 01:41:37,325 --> 01:41:41,662 Mr. Sagamore, see about a special license 2035 01:41:41,662 --> 01:41:43,998 the moment you have got rid of Alexander. 2036 01:41:45,866 --> 01:41:47,535 - I am afraid it is not possible. 2037 01:41:49,203 --> 01:41:50,705 We are bound by our vows. 2038 01:41:52,406 --> 01:41:56,577 - Well, have I not passed your mother's test? 2039 01:41:56,577 --> 01:41:58,713 You shall have an accountant's certificate. 2040 01:41:59,614 --> 01:42:02,617 I learned in the first half hour of my search for employment 2041 01:42:02,617 --> 01:42:04,719 that the living wage for a single person is 2042 01:42:04,719 --> 01:42:07,822 approximately $350 a week. 2043 01:42:08,689 --> 01:42:09,724 Before the end of the week, 2044 01:42:09,724 --> 01:42:12,493 I had made enough to support me for a hundred years. 2045 01:42:13,761 --> 01:42:16,430 I did it honestly and legitimately. 2046 01:42:16,430 --> 01:42:18,499 I explained the way in which it was done. 2047 01:42:20,468 --> 01:42:21,902 - Had you added $1 an hour 2048 01:42:21,902 --> 01:42:23,704 to the wages of those sweated workers, 2049 01:42:23,704 --> 01:42:26,507 that wicked business would have crashed on your head. 2050 01:42:26,507 --> 01:42:28,175 You sold it to the man Superflew 2051 01:42:28,175 --> 01:42:29,610 for the last quarter of his savings 2052 01:42:29,610 --> 01:42:31,279 and those workers still work for him 2053 01:42:31,279 --> 01:42:33,281 for less than minimum wage an hour. 2054 01:42:33,281 --> 01:42:36,284 - You cannot change the market price of labor, 2055 01:42:36,284 --> 01:42:38,819 not the Lord himself can do that. 2056 01:42:40,721 --> 01:42:43,424 But I came to this hotel to wash dishes, 2057 01:42:43,424 --> 01:42:45,793 the most incompetent scullery maid 2058 01:42:45,793 --> 01:42:47,561 that ever broke a dinner service. 2059 01:42:47,561 --> 01:42:49,630 (laughs) 2060 01:42:49,630 --> 01:42:50,464 I am now its owner 2061 01:42:50,464 --> 01:42:52,700 and there is no minimum wage an hour here! 2062 01:42:54,669 --> 01:42:56,070 - But what of those old people 2063 01:42:56,070 --> 01:42:58,906 whose natural home this place had become? 2064 01:42:58,906 --> 01:43:01,075 They've been cast out into the homeless shelters. 2065 01:43:01,075 --> 01:43:03,411 - I have to take the world as I find it. 2066 01:43:04,979 --> 01:43:06,647 - The wrath of God shall overtake those 2067 01:43:06,647 --> 01:43:09,317 who leave the world no better than they found it. 2068 01:43:09,317 --> 01:43:12,653 - I think God loves those who make money! 2069 01:43:12,653 --> 01:43:14,855 - All the evidence suggests that, certainly. 2070 01:43:16,490 --> 01:43:17,858 - But all this talk is idle. 2071 01:43:17,858 --> 01:43:20,194 This gentleman has easily fulfilled the conditions 2072 01:43:20,194 --> 01:43:21,329 imposed by my mother, 2073 01:43:21,329 --> 01:43:25,032 but I have not fulfilled the conditions imposed 2074 01:43:25,032 --> 01:43:26,834 by this gentleman's father. 2075 01:43:26,834 --> 01:43:28,669 - You need not worry about that. 2076 01:43:28,669 --> 01:43:31,405 The six months have not yet expired. 2077 01:43:31,405 --> 01:43:35,509 I will show you how to turn your $10,000 into 3 million. 2078 01:43:35,509 --> 01:43:36,344 - You cannot. 2079 01:43:38,012 --> 01:43:38,846 It is gone. 2080 01:43:40,147 --> 01:43:42,683 - Oh, you can't have spent it all, 2081 01:43:42,683 --> 01:43:44,985 you who live like a church mouse! 2082 01:43:48,556 --> 01:43:51,625 There must be some of it left. 2083 01:43:51,625 --> 01:43:52,693 - Not a dollar. 2084 01:43:52,693 --> 01:43:54,295 Not a quarter. 2085 01:43:56,030 --> 01:43:56,864 The Lord - 2086 01:43:56,864 --> 01:43:57,932 - Oh, bother the Lord! 2087 01:43:57,932 --> 01:43:59,533 What did you do with it? 2088 01:43:59,533 --> 01:44:01,435 - The Lord is never bothered. 2089 01:44:02,703 --> 01:44:06,407 On that afternoon after you left me to earn your own living, 2090 01:44:07,608 --> 01:44:09,410 I sat down and took in a newspaper. 2091 01:44:10,277 --> 01:44:12,680 While scanning the pages, I saw a familiar name. 2092 01:44:13,814 --> 01:44:16,917 It was that of the teacher who changed my whole life 2093 01:44:16,917 --> 01:44:18,252 and gave me a new soul 2094 01:44:18,252 --> 01:44:21,088 by opening up the world of Science to me. 2095 01:44:21,088 --> 01:44:23,924 I was his assistant for four years. 2096 01:44:23,924 --> 01:44:26,427 He would make his own apparatus for his experiments, 2097 01:44:26,427 --> 01:44:29,196 and one day he needed a filament of metal 2098 01:44:29,196 --> 01:44:30,698 that would stand a temperature 2099 01:44:30,698 --> 01:44:33,634 that melted platinum like sealing wax. 2100 01:44:33,634 --> 01:44:36,404 - Buy his patent for me if it has not been snapped up! 2101 01:44:37,371 --> 01:44:38,939 - He never took out a patent. 2102 01:44:38,939 --> 01:44:41,375 He believed that knowledge is no man's property. 2103 01:44:43,711 --> 01:44:45,713 The company he worked for made hundreds of millions 2104 01:44:45,713 --> 01:44:47,114 of dollars off his discovery 2105 01:44:48,682 --> 01:44:50,284 by people who care nothing about knowledge 2106 01:44:50,284 --> 01:44:51,619 and everything about money! 2107 01:44:53,220 --> 01:44:55,756 He left $30,000 and a widow. 2108 01:44:56,624 --> 01:44:58,926 The good woman was like a second mother to me. 2109 01:45:01,462 --> 01:45:06,333 $8 a day at most, which is less than minimum wage per hour. 2110 01:45:07,768 --> 01:45:11,338 - That comes of marrying an incompetent dreamer. 2111 01:45:12,940 --> 01:45:14,775 Are you going to beg for her? 2112 01:45:14,775 --> 01:45:18,012 I warn you I am tired of destitute widows. 2113 01:45:19,079 --> 01:45:20,748 I should be a beggar myself 2114 01:45:20,748 --> 01:45:22,683 if I took them all on my shoulders. 2115 01:45:22,683 --> 01:45:24,652 - Have no fear. 2116 01:45:24,652 --> 01:45:26,320 The Lord heard the widow's prayer. 2117 01:45:28,255 --> 01:45:29,590 I went to the president of the firm 2118 01:45:29,590 --> 01:45:30,825 and told him that it was the will of God 2119 01:45:30,825 --> 01:45:34,028 that she should have a widow's pension. 2120 01:45:34,028 --> 01:45:35,830 She received it. 2121 01:45:35,830 --> 01:45:38,332 But all this took time! 2122 01:45:38,332 --> 01:45:41,168 The illness, the nurse, the funeral 2123 01:45:41,168 --> 01:45:42,536 had left her without anything. 2124 01:45:42,536 --> 01:45:45,172 Between the pensions and the death, 2125 01:45:45,172 --> 01:45:48,275 there was a gap exactly $10,000 wide. 2126 01:45:48,275 --> 01:45:50,478 He who is just and exact supplied that sum 2127 01:45:50,478 --> 01:45:52,613 by your chauffeur's hands and then by mine. 2128 01:45:53,514 --> 01:45:56,750 It rejoiced my heart as money had never rejoiced it before! 2129 01:45:59,253 --> 01:46:01,555 - Well, man, you may have not done a lot for yourself, 2130 01:46:01,555 --> 01:46:04,859 but you have done damn well for the widow. 2131 01:46:06,427 --> 01:46:07,528 And you escaped Vicki. 2132 01:46:08,562 --> 01:46:10,264 He won't marry you with your pockets empty. 2133 01:46:10,264 --> 01:46:12,600 - Oh, really now? 2134 01:46:12,600 --> 01:46:14,768 $3 million must have been made 2135 01:46:14,768 --> 01:46:17,538 out of that discovery scores of times over! 2136 01:46:19,240 --> 01:46:21,442 The doctor, in putting my money 2137 01:46:21,442 --> 01:46:23,577 into the widow's necessary expenses, 2138 01:46:23,577 --> 01:46:26,881 may be said to have made a retrospective investment 2139 01:46:26,881 --> 01:46:28,415 in the discovery! 2140 01:46:28,415 --> 01:46:32,553 And he has shown the greatest ability in the affair, 2141 01:46:32,553 --> 01:46:33,988 has he not, Mr. Sagamore? 2142 01:46:34,889 --> 01:46:36,323 - Unquestionably. 2143 01:46:36,323 --> 01:46:38,592 He has settled the widow's affairs to perfection. 2144 01:46:38,592 --> 01:46:43,497 - My mind is made up. I will marry this doctor! 2145 01:46:45,065 --> 01:46:49,503 Ascertain his name and make the necessary arrangements. 2146 01:46:50,604 --> 01:46:53,207 - You take care, doctor. 2147 01:46:53,207 --> 01:46:56,677 He is unfaithful in wanting to marry you. 2148 01:46:56,677 --> 01:46:59,713 He flirted with me, brought me here, 2149 01:46:59,713 --> 01:47:03,884 and made me believe that I was to be Alexander's successor, 2150 01:47:04,752 --> 01:47:06,787 before he ever saw you! 2151 01:47:06,787 --> 01:47:08,789 And now look at what he's done to me! 2152 01:47:09,790 --> 01:47:12,226 And he will do the same to you 2153 01:47:12,226 --> 01:47:14,929 when the next man catches his fancy. 2154 01:47:16,463 --> 01:47:18,032 - What have you to say to that? 2155 01:47:20,901 --> 01:47:23,470 - You must learn to take chances in this world! 2156 01:47:24,772 --> 01:47:27,308 This disappointed gay philanderer tries 2157 01:47:27,308 --> 01:47:30,444 to frighten you with my unfaithfulness. 2158 01:47:30,444 --> 01:47:34,148 He has never been married. I have. 2159 01:47:34,148 --> 01:47:37,251 And I tell you that in the very happiest marriages 2160 01:47:37,251 --> 01:47:42,256 not a day passes without 1,000 moments of unfaithfulness. 2161 01:47:43,824 --> 01:47:47,127 You begin by thinking you have only one spouse... 2162 01:47:47,127 --> 01:47:48,562 you find you have a dozen. 2163 01:47:49,563 --> 01:47:51,765 There is the creature you hate and despise 2164 01:47:51,765 --> 01:47:55,836 and are tied to for life, and before breakfast is over, 2165 01:47:55,836 --> 01:47:58,105 the fool says something nice 2166 01:47:58,105 --> 01:48:02,109 and becomes the man whom you admire and love, 2167 01:48:03,243 --> 01:48:06,714 and between these extremes there are 1,000 degrees 2168 01:48:06,714 --> 01:48:09,984 with a different pair of spouses at each of them. 2169 01:48:11,952 --> 01:48:14,521 A husband is all men to his spouse, 2170 01:48:14,521 --> 01:48:19,226 he is everything that is devilish - the thorn in your flesh, 2171 01:48:19,226 --> 01:48:23,464 the jealous schoolboy, the detective dogging your movements, 2172 01:48:23,464 --> 01:48:25,699 the complainer, the scolder, the worrier. 2173 01:48:26,967 --> 01:48:30,738 But he has only to tell you an affectionate lie, 2174 01:48:33,007 --> 01:48:36,644 and he becomes your comfort, your helper, 2175 01:48:38,679 --> 01:48:40,781 at best your greatest treasure, 2176 01:48:42,449 --> 01:48:46,353 at worst your troublesome but beloved child. 2177 01:48:51,859 --> 01:48:56,630 All spouses, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, 2178 01:48:56,630 --> 01:48:58,766 are all these people in one! 2179 01:49:00,534 --> 01:49:02,603 What do the unmarried know 2180 01:49:02,603 --> 01:49:06,640 of this infinitely dangerous, heart tearing, 2181 01:49:06,640 --> 01:49:11,245 ever changing life of adventure that we call marriage? 2182 01:49:15,883 --> 01:49:19,520 Face it as you would face a dangerous operation. 2183 01:49:22,589 --> 01:49:24,725 Have you not performed hundreds of them? 2184 01:49:27,795 --> 01:49:30,964 - To be sure, there is no wit and no wisdom 2185 01:49:30,964 --> 01:49:33,033 like that of an individual ensnaring the mate 2186 01:49:33,033 --> 01:49:34,368 chosen for him by God. 2187 01:49:36,737 --> 01:49:38,172 Yet I am very happy as I am. 2188 01:49:39,406 --> 01:49:40,741 Why shall I change? 2189 01:49:41,608 --> 01:49:43,477 I should be a very happy old bachelor. 2190 01:49:46,280 --> 01:49:49,283 - Can you feel my pulse every day as an old bachelor? 2191 01:49:53,787 --> 01:49:55,622 - I had forgotten about the pulse. 2192 01:49:59,760 --> 01:50:03,864 - Or hear my voice every day as an old bachelor? 2193 01:50:09,937 --> 01:50:12,539 (instrumental track starts playing from Victor's phone) 2194 01:50:16,176 --> 01:50:19,947 (sings 2nd half Saint-Saëns' "Mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix") 2195 01:52:38,485 --> 01:52:40,387 - That voice! 2196 01:52:40,387 --> 01:52:42,289 The depth of feeling, those eyes! 2197 01:52:43,590 --> 01:52:45,692 And yes, the pulse too. 2198 01:52:46,927 --> 01:52:51,164 It is irresistible. It is a pulse in a hundred thousand, I - 2199 01:52:51,164 --> 01:52:53,233 I love it! 2200 01:52:54,635 --> 01:52:58,071 And you're right, I cannot give it up. 2201 01:52:59,940 --> 01:53:02,309 And that majestic voice has haunted me 2202 01:53:02,309 --> 01:53:04,278 since the first time I heard you sing. 2203 01:53:05,545 --> 01:53:08,482 At first, I thought you were a modern day siren, 2204 01:53:08,482 --> 01:53:12,052 a gay man's siren, sent to tempt me and lure me astray. 2205 01:53:13,487 --> 01:53:15,289 You've just stripped yourself of all conceit and pride 2206 01:53:15,289 --> 01:53:16,757 in front of all these people, 2207 01:53:17,724 --> 01:53:20,427 and borne your heart and soul to me with your singing! 2208 01:53:20,427 --> 01:53:25,432 - You just might turn out to be my heart and my soul. 2209 01:53:27,000 --> 01:53:28,635 My father used to be both, 2210 01:53:29,603 --> 01:53:32,973 and while his passing away broke my heart 2211 01:53:32,973 --> 01:53:34,808 and pierced my soul, 2212 01:53:37,744 --> 01:53:40,948 I think you may be the angel he sent me to heal both. 2213 01:53:43,050 --> 01:53:44,885 - And I suppose one can say 2214 01:53:44,885 --> 01:53:48,221 that you are the chaste and pure angel my mother sent me! 2215 01:53:49,089 --> 01:53:51,959 You certainly have the virtues and the voice of an angel, 2216 01:53:52,960 --> 01:53:54,661 if not always the temperament. 2217 01:53:54,661 --> 01:53:56,730 (laughs) 2218 01:54:00,300 --> 01:54:02,469 (kissing) 2219 01:54:18,952 --> 01:54:21,355 (The Billionaire Closing Theme)